It’s Safe to Say That I’m Not the Worst at Karaoking “Like a Virgin”

True story: I got a karaoke machine for my 21st birthday because I had a penchant for getting up on the table in our apartment during my junior year of college and drunkenly belting out Scissor Sisters and Franz Ferdinand and the final number from Hairspray.  It really was a great gift, if for no other reason than that it prevented the inevitable trip to the emergency room when my drunk ass attempted a high kick and fell off the table.  As I recall, the karaoke machine looked like this:

memorex karaoke machine

I spent most of the evening of my birthday party karaoking to my copy of U2’s recently leaked How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, and while this was tolerable during “Vertigo,” it was not flying by the time I was taking a shot at “Love and Peace or Else.”  At one point, a friend of a friend at the party even gave me what I thought to be a stink eye during my performance, but that could’ve been all those birthday cocktails talking.

ANYWAYS, I was finally persuaded to take on something a little more crowd pleasing.  Naturally this translates to “putting on your drag costume from Halloween and singing ‘Like a Virgin’.”  I’m pretty certain the end result–coming from a combination of drunkface and inability to find a proper pitch–sounded like a tranquilized cat warbling for mating call.  It.  Was.  BLEAK.

After that, I always thought that nobody could ever do any worse, but then I saw this demo video from an aborted American Idol karaoke arcade game (which is obviously something the world really needed but will now never have).  I was obviously wrong:

I’m sorry, I should’ve warned you to shove cotton balls in your ears so the torrents of blood now pouring out of your ears wouldn’t get all over everything, but WHOOPS, I guess misery loves company.  Fortunately, though, there are still things we can glean from this video.  

Firstly, “Like a Virgin” karaoke is clearly an excellent barometer for figuring out if a guy is straight.  No self-respecting gay would ever let something like this happen, let alone post it on the internet.  And secondly, so long as I remember this shit show, I can karaoke with confidence.  

So if you’re ever in New York City, and you think you hear a heavily sedated cat howling out for a mate, you might want to check the nearby karaoke bars before you call animal control.  Chances are it’s just me.

Cheers to GameSetWatch for finding this little piece of magic.

One Response

  1. […] yourself to blame.  After all, did I ever claim I actually had any legitimate karaoke skillz?  Hell to the no, lady […]


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