Sandra Bullock, Now the Star of Your Worst Nightmares

Can we talk about All About Steve, y’all?  Seriously:

It got pushed back from March to the cinematic dumping grounds of September, which is never a good sign.  Sandra Bullock’s hair looks truly dreadful, as does Bradley Cooper’s hair.  Also, Thomas Haden Church looks to be rockin’ one ferosh fake tan, and I don’t mean that as a compliment.  All About Steve looks like a hackneyed comedy with a dialed-up-to-obnoxious level of quirk and haircuts that look like they styled with a weed whacker, but I’ll go there: It looks entirely passable as a rental from Netflix.  

I find Sandra Bullock to be incredibly appealing actress.  She certainly needs to make better career choices, but I imagine the roles available to women that are over 40 and aren’t Meryl Streep make for some pretty slim pickings.  Hollywood tends to be sexist like that, so I’m not about to fault her for just trying to keep busy.

However, I will gladly fault her for the poster for All About Steve.  Because it’s going to haunt my dreams for weeks to come:

all about steve poster

It doesn’t hurt that it’s a pretty bad poster in general.  The brownish tone just draws attention all the ugly fake tans and even uglier hair colors this movie is filled with.  Added to that, I’m at an utter loss for words as to who felt it necessary to have Ken Jeong leaning into the poster.  He does seem to be having his breakout moment this summer with movies like The Hangover and The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, but I feel pretty certain that the majority of fans of The Hangover would sooner head to the big strip club in the sky than get dragged to All About Steve.  It’s the sort of poster that, quite frankly, makes you wish Sterling Cooper was real.  And that they made movie posters.

Really, though, my problem with the poster is all centered around Sandra Bullock’s face, which is apparently bound and determined to do a one-woman cabaret show in my dreams entitled Why Are You Hiding Your Sharp Objects?: A Nightmare in Song and Dance:

sandra bullock scary face

Why are the rest of the cast just looking at her like she’s simply innocuous with her quirky red boots and silly little umbrella?  I’m worried she’s going to go for someone’s jugular with that thing!  More importantly, who thought it would be best to sell this movie with the one face that makes Sandra Bullock look less like she’s charmingly eccentric and more like she’s in serious need of some electroshock?  While this admittedly isn’t deterring me from eventually seeing this movie, I am saying in advance that I will piss all over myself in horror if she makes that face in the movie.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I need an adult.

Kudos to Videogum for coming across the poster.

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