Instead of Going to See G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra, Why Not Rent Obsessed?

Recessions, y’all.  They’re the worst.  The economy’s a bailout black hole, unemployment rates just seem to keep rising, and movies are a leisure that are increasingly unworthy of the $12.50 price of admission.  Yeesh!  Who wants to pay that much money for a movie about terminating robots, or a movie about transforming robots, or a movie talking guinea pigs (that, given this summer’s crappy movie trend, might also be robots)?  And this weekend we get G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra, which is not about robots, but looks to include robot suits and performances that are equally stiff:

Admittedly this looks more mediocre than flat-out terrible, and one could argue that Sienna Miller’s quip about shoes is a welcomed moment of camp, but mediocrity is rarely worth $12.50.  Instead, might I suggest renting the camp ridiculousness that is Obsessed?  Sure, I already reviewed it months ago, but now it’s out on DVD, and that means you’ve no excuse not to see it!  Just look at Beyonce give good (bitch)face and tell me it’s not worth the meager cost of a rental:

But wait, there’s more!  So much more!

Obsessed‘s chief pleasures come the simple fact that it’s a PG-13 erotic thriller, which means it’s neither erotic nor particularly suspenseful.  That doesn’t stop the film from misguidedly milking the moments dry, though, and that’s what keeps things entertaining.  From Ali Larter’s batshit-crazy-as-her-character performance as Lisa to the repeated attempts at building suspense around e-mail attachments, Obsessed is the sort of ludicrous entertainment that succeeds as camp through it failures.  It’s a train wreck, but it’s frankly all the more enjoyable for that.

If nothing else, there’s always the catfight climax, which begins  like this:

And, impressively enough, it simply gets more over the top.  Nobody gets choked by a feather boa or beaten with a mannequin arm, and there’s not a single moment where someone howls taunts in Spanish, but Obsessed and its epic finale are a wealth of absurdities all their own.  You know what to do.