The (Zombie) Beatles Will Be Your New Favorite Band

You know what has caused countless generations to just totally lose their shit and embrace their inner hot mess?

beatles fan

You know what else has caused countless generations (of nerds) to just totally lose their shit and embrace their inner hot mess?

zombies fan

But zombies are no longer just for nerds, y’all!  Between box office successes like 28 Days Later and Dawn of the Dead and big-deal books like World War Z and the Shmathan-approved Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, it seems that zombies have wormed (pun intended ‘cos it’s a joke about decomposing bodies, GET IT???)  their way into the popular zeitgeist.  

Now, according to a piece The Guardian, the Beatles will get their own zombie mashup with the book Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion:

Alan Goldsher’s Paul is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion has been snapped by US publisher Pocket Books for publication in June next year, following in the footsteps of the surprise hit Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which was published this spring, and the forthcoming Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters, Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter and I Am Scrooge: A Zombie Story for Christmas, all out this autumn.

I don’t need to know another thing about this book to know that I’ll going straight to to sign up to be notified as to when I can pre-order my copy; however, if you actually need some convincing, behold the plot summary:

Goldsher’s story starts in a Liverpool maternity ward in 1940, as a newborn Lennon is bitten by a zombie and doomed to wander the Earth for eternity. When he meets McCartney in 1957 he “bites off Paul’s ear and sucks out his mate’s grey matter, after which he spits a healthy amount of his own brain into Paul’s carotid artery – and thus is born the greatest songwriting team in rock history,” according to Goldsher’s version of the encounter.

 Harrison is quickly zombified, and “seventh level Ninja Lord Ringo Starr” is then welcomed into the fold. The Beatles enslave “hundreds of lusty teenage girls”, invade the US where they mind-meld millions, releasing albums with hidden messages such as “Please please me by biting your young”, “Dear sir or madam, won’t you eat your neighbour”, and “All you need is eternal life”.

 Their world begins to crumble when Lennon starts to date eighth level Ninja Lord Yoko Ono, and a band called the Zombies – whose members, Goldsher says, are not actually zombies – seeks revenge.

I mean, this book is probably going to be incredible, but is it wrong that I’m even more excited about the inevitable film adaptation?  It could seriously be one of the most incredible movies of all time, a dizzying blend of the 60s cultural moment, psychedelia, Beatles songs, and shrieking fan girls being eaten zombies.  Seriously, imagine this video for “Hello, Goodbye,” but with dismemberments galore:

See, the video for “Hello, Goodbye”?  Almost perfection.  Video for “Hello, Goodbye” with dismemberments galore?  Perfection.  It’s basic math, really.  

Oh, and PS, Literary World: If you’re at all interested in hearing about my idea for Nomi Malone: Vampire Slayer, I’d more than love to sit down and chat.

One Response

  1. Hailey and I just spent an hour debating the interplay of genius between Paul McCartney and George Harrison, the craziness that is Yoko, etc and now I come home to read this…life is grand.


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