Ridicudancing, y’all. Whether it’s the sensational moves of Nomi Malone or the sublime artistry of Sara Carlson, I love it when someone burns when they dance. That said, it’s hard to find truly excellent ridicudancing. There’s plenty of bad dancing, for sure, but great ridicudancing only happens when the proper proportions of talent, batshit crazy vision, and a total lack of inhibition combine. It’s truly like chemistry, and judging by the video for “She Wolf,” Shakira has mastered the science.
Admittedly, saying that Shakira’s dance moves are ridiculous is like commenting on how blue the sky is, but trust me when I say that the moves she busts out in this video are truly avant garde in their insanity. Maybe it’s helped by the fact that “She Wolf” is an inherently ludicrous (yet insanely catchy) pop song about lycanthropy as metaphor for ladies having a case of the hornies, and we all know ridicusongs demand ridicudancing. Whatever the case, you simply must click the picture and take a ride on Shakira’s crazy train. Seriously:
Whoah there, lady friend. I don’t even know where to begin with this one, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try!
I think we need to start with the fact that at one point she bites her finger, which apparently makes horn noises. That in and of itself is enough to cause my brain to drip out of my ears like melting ice cream. But then there’s all the awkward gesturing towards her crotch, and the even more awkward displays of her impressive flexibility, and let’s not forget the one move she does in the cage that reminds me of the spider walk scene from The Exorcist. That moves sorta terrifies me. By the end, it’s just such a cornucopia of craziness that my brain has simply abandoned ship altogether. It’s a spectacular sensation, really, like you’re being lobotomized by her pelvic thrusts.
Also, I’m pretty convinced that if I learn those dance moves, everybody will want to want to be my boyfriend. That, or they’ll confuse me with a rudimentary sex robot gone haywire. Whatever. It’ll be awesome.
Now if only we could get Sara Carlson and Shakira to have a ridicudance-off. Nomi Malone would be presiding judge, of course, and it would be the GREATEST.