And Then There Were Three

I swear, y’all!  I go away for one extended weekend and suddenly this blog’s gone to shenanigans!  Shmathan’s stripping down and getting the vapors over some sort of beefcake (I must admit that I’m partial to Red Velvet, so he can have at that), Shmarker lost his blogging v-card with an impressive 2,000+ words of crazy (not a bad thing, but this is a blog and not James Joyce’s Ulysses), and I’m in the midst of a blog existential crisis: Am I still the gay blogger version of Emperor Palpatine?  I know there can be only two, but now I’ve got three!  DAMNIT!  Rules are rules, so I guess, it’s time to emulate bigger and badder bitches.  Like this mind-blowing piece of undeniable gorgeousness:

Heidi Fleiss

Yup, that’s right: Heidi “Hollywood’s Madam” Fleiss.  I figure that, if I’m gonna be running a veritable brothel of blogertainment, I might as well model myself after the epitome of class.  After all, it was Ms. Fleiss that educated us on Charlie Sheen’s great love for hookers.  If it weren’t for that bombshell, his marriage to Denise Richards would’ve never made any sense!

When you think about it, she’s the perfect role model.  She has a celebrated career in Hollywood, a keen entrepreneurial sense, and naturally stunning features.  She also makes excellent choices.

Oh, wait:

Just “a bit of a substance abuse problem”?  And that doesn’t even explain those lips!  Did she have an accident with Krazy Glue and a couple of sea worms?  Did she go to a back-alley plastic surgeon and get the Happy Hour, $5 Angelina Jolie special?  Did Charlie Sheen put a pox on her lips as a sort of karmic revenge?  Whatever the case, her lips are my new nightmares!  Forget it.  Heidi-Fleiss-as-inspirational-figure is obviously so 2000-and-yikes.

And why am I worried about silly rules anyways?  If George Lucas can say that Anakin Skywalker built C-3p0 and make up some nonsense about midi-chlorians, then I can totally have two blog apprentices.  Existential blog crisis averted!

Besides, if nothing else, I think we can agree that I’ll have 100% less busted-face following my old inspiration:


There we go.  I’m feeling prettier already.  And, seeing as said above news item is from 2008, I’m as timely as ever.  Vacation: It does a bloggy good, y’all.  Clearly.

3 Responses

  1. Yay! Will Shmathan and I duke it out eventually, like on the Celebrity Apprentice? Actually, I don’t really know what they do on that show…


  2. Don’t think I don’t know what you are doing, Benji. It is downright Machiavellian. You fear my growing blog powers, and rather end up face first down the Death Star reactor, you bring in a rival, hoping that my struggles against him will leave me too weak rise against you. But it shall not work! Shmarker and I are united by the Power of the Geek. We bonded over comic books and Buffy…no one can break that. Beware Benji…beware!


  3. Not to mention Smallville and killing each other on Game Cube. Oh, we are a threat to watch out for…


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