The Oscars Just Had a Doublemint Moment!

WRIGLEY'S DOUBLEMINT TWINS NOMINATED AS AMERICA'S FAVORITE ICONS

Did you hear the news?  The L.A. Times reported that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences are doubling number of best picture nominations to ten!  That’s twice as many opportunities to deeply hate a movie for stealing a nomination from a far more deserving film.  Sweet!  We can now double our (dis)pleasure, y’all!  

Academy President Sid Ganis provided the following rationalization for the change:

“Having 10 best picture nominees is going [to] allow academy voters to recognize and include some of the fantastic movies that often show up in the other Oscar categories, but have been squeezed out of the race for the top prize…I can’t wait to see what that list of ten looks like when the nominees are announced in February.” 

Well I’m so glad that at least one person’s quivering in antici…pation.  I’ll get around to it once I’ve made room for this profoundly stupid idea on my already overly crowded Do Not Want List.

What’s most frustrating about this announcement (and believe me, I could write a essay the length of Ulysses on everything that’s wrong about it) is that the Academy Awards will still remain the same tired bullshit that they’ve been for years.  You’re not going to shorten the three-plus hours of masturbatory self-congratulation and inconsequential montage sequences by adding five more damn best-picture nominee montages.  We still won’t know more than two of the foreign films nominated, and the short subject nominees will still be the crapshoot in your Oscar pool.  And that’s just the show itself!

Comedies and animated films, along with the “lesser” genres like horror and science fiction, will still be the bastard offspring sitting at the children’s table in terms of best  picture nominations.  The prestige pics from Weinstein Films and the quirky comedies from Fox Searchlight now have twice as many spots to occupy; and when you think about how hard Harvey Weinstein campaigns for his films come award season, Weinstein Films might be bankrupt within five years’ time.  That means four slots available for deliberately quirky Sundance acquisitions?   YIKES!

And, of course, it should go without saying that the gay movie will still lose to some inferior piece of crap.  This is CHANGE, Hollywood style!

So until they announce an interesting award, like Fiercest Bitch or Biggest Train Wreck, I quit this bitch.  Well probably not, but I do promise to be twice as bitchy during the Oscar party.  Whatever.  Greenzo OUT!

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One Response

  1. It is so true, the best part of this whole thing was the tribute to Rocky Horror, LOL it Made me Laugh.

    Like

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