It’s Like Roland Emmerich Knew My Birthday Was Coming

The epic hot mess of CGI and John Cusack that is the 2012 trailer hit the interwebs yesterday, and it’s safe to say that paradigms shifted and lives were changed and none of us will ever be the same again:

You.  Must.  Be.  KIDDING ME!

The final sequence alone, in which an aircraft carrier floating that’s floating on a giant tidal wave crushes the White House, pretty much makes my brain shut down from the absolute batshit crazy brilliance, but then there’s everything else as well!  John Cusack’s car driving out of a crashing jet?  The crumbling of the Vatican?  THE REUNITING OF THE CUSACK AND AMANDA “WHORES DON’T GET A SECOND CHANCE” PEET???  I cannot handle this absurdity.  At all.

This is already destined to be the greatest movie because it’s by the man who made Independence Day, but now he’s decided to take things to the next level by taking every disaster movie ever and cranking that bitch up to “You absolutely must be joking,” which is numerically well past 11 to the point of approaching infinity.  Even if this trailer is essentially all the best parts and rest of it’s a boring meandering mess about John Cusack trying to reconnect with his kids (is that what the “plot” is about?) and the Apocalypse and Oliver Platt being in charge of the space ark (which is a !!! and ??? all at once), those disaster movie money shots will be absolutely profound on the big screen.

Best of all, though, is that it comes out on November 13th, which is the day after tomorrow my birthday!  A CGI’ed-within-an-inch-of-its-life, unremittingly-batshit-insane-to-the-point-of-avant-garde-brilliant disaster movie?  For me?  Shazam!  It’s like the movie version of this.  But even better:


happy birthday bitch

So much better.

Thanks, Mr. Emmerich!  You really shouldn’t have, but I’m glad you did.

Even though I’d already seen it, kudos to Matt for reminding me about this hotness.

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2 Responses

  1. […] known for “Sex Ed,” which–in anticipation of the impending end of the world in 2012– has impressively already won the Summer Jam  of the Millenium award.  Really, you can […]

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  2. […] realsies.  Whenever I so much as think about Roland Emmerich’s cinematic masterpiece of 110% visionary CGI craziness that will be  2012, I feel like a woman on the receiving end of terrible sex (which we all know helps keep you […]

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