Adam Lambert’s Rolling Stone Cover Shocker(?)

The interwebs are going bonkers today, y’all.  All because of this mind-bomb dropping Rolling Stone cover:

Mon dieu!  You mean to suggest, nay, report that American Idol‘s Adam Lambert doesn’t prefer the traditional straight fit jean, Rolling Stone magazine and internet at large?   You mean to tell me it can finally be confirmed that he prefers a low-rise boot-cut (aka, homo cut), and he enjoys accessorizing with bedazzled butterflies and snakes?  Congratulations, you’re officially the new masters of glaringly obvious journalism!  Previous honorees have included Blue Sky Quarterly, www.everybodys-farts-stink.com, and this little guy:

Anywhosie, for all the we-already-saw-this-light-years-away noise and the no-shit-Ask-Jeeves fury of this all, I do find one part of this whole cover story genuinely shocking.  When you think about it, it’s rather surprising that everybody’s talking up the non-story when there’s a real story staring right in the face:

ADAM LAMBERT HAS A HAIRY (albeit trimmed) CHEST?  I’m sorry, but he doesn’t even just have a hairy chest; he’s like a freakin’ bear (minus the facial hair and the additional cushion for the pushin’)!  So I guess that makes him an otter with his glamface on?  I don’t know!  His face is so androgy-glam, but his chest is all Butchy McButcherson.  I would’ve expected a naturally smooth or a waxed or even a shaved chest, but I would never have expected him to so brazenly rock the chest hair.  

Sure, it may be manscaped, but manscape schmanscape, y’all.  Not only is he the (obviously) gay American Idol contestant that won America over with his flamboyant stylings, but he’s a ‘mo that’s unafraid to rock his chest carpet.  Adam Lambert: helping America embrace its gays and and America’s gay’s embrace their body hair, one person at a time.