Things That Should Not Exist: This Pillsbury Doughboy Video

Perhaps it’s just me, but the Pillsbury Doughboy is the stuff of nightmares.  Like nannerpuss, he’s supposed to sell a product, but instead just creeps the living hell out of me.  Don’t get me wrong: I love me some Pillsbury products.  They’re delicious.  Hell, one time in undergrad I ate their croissant dough.  Literally, the dough.  Without baking it.  Because I’m a human garbage disposal like that.  But I digress.

Anyways, while you might see this:

doughboy

I look at the Doughboy and see THIS:

149921_f260

He’s no mascot; he’s a dough monster!  I wouldn’t be surprised if he stays so plump by feasting on human flesh and adorable puppies.  He probably bakes children into meat pies using Pillsbury Frozen Deep Dish Pie Crusts and makes Funfetti-and-kitten cupcakes.  Seriously, how is this woman not fearing for her very life?  She’s clearly a braver soul than I.

Fortunately I found a support group for my phobia today.  It’s a 12-step program, and it involves watching this video, taking 5 minutes to realize that it’s a real video that–fake or not–was actually conceived and executed by someone, and then replaying it 10 more times:

I’m sorry, but did he just poop a croissant?  He just pooped a croissant!   Hahahahaha, AGAIN!

Doctor, I’m cured!

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4 Responses

  1. That is horrible

    Like

  2. Oh B.Ho, remember when we ate that dough? Cuz I just did….. Oh, wait, you reference it… maybe I should not read your blog after writing a paper about Scatology in Icelandic myths.

    Like

  3. He’ll be in the Macy Parade in more than a month, so WATCH OUT!!!

    Like

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