Things That Should Not Exist: This Joey Tribbiani Fan Art

I understand that the internet is an incredible tool of connectivity and self-expression.  We can share out thoughts, feelings, and creative impulses in a forum unhampered by cultural and geographical distances and differences, and in this space of endless frontiers we can find like-minded people who share our tastes, no matter how curious or particular they may be.  We can build homes and neighborhoods and communities on there, carve out spaces built entirely upon our shared perceptions and interpretations of the world around us.  As Martha Stewart would succinctly observe: it’s a good thing.

Given all that, I on one hand feel almost obligated to support–or at the very least not pass judgment on–this piece of Friends fan art.  On the other hand, I never much cared for that show, and this is also ridiculous enough to deserve judgment.  As it contains a snake, I’ve safely hidden it behind the jump so as to not emotionally scar my mother, but this is absolutely too much “HUH???” for us to not discuss:


I’m sorry, but I’m calling shenanigans on this mess.  I wholeheartedly respect the Tom of Finland influence, so the hyper-stylized male form isn’t really my issue with this (though, to be clear, it’s most certainly absurd).  It’s really all about the fact that I’m rather baffled that someone would look at Matt LeBlanc with such an incredibly lusty gaze that they’d be compelled to spend the time to craft such a detailed pictorialization of their homoerotic desires.  I mean, there are bulging crotch veins and a happy trail!  Who is this person that felt so obligated to commit their fantasies to the page?  Did they have a fainting spell during that episode when he mistook Monica’s offer for lemonade as an offer for sex, so he got naked?  I bet that scene elicited some seriously high-pitched shrieks.  

And don’t even get me started about the uncomfortably phallic snake.  Judging by the sheer girth of the damn thing, I’m willing to bet the majority of the creative sweat involved in this came from the artist’s palms.  But really, even though it’s just a visual metaphor, does anybody want that much penis coming at them?  Call me a failed gay and revoke my membership to the homo club if you must, but that’s just too much (metaphorical) dick.  I’m sorry, but I do not want that.  At all.  Let alone on Joey Tribbiani.  To the top of the list, freakishly endowed Joey Tribbian fan art.  Goldfrapp and I agree that this song goes out to you:

You’re my number one (do not want).  Then again, someone obviously disagrees because erotic Friends fan art is something that does in fact exist.  Oh, internet, you shall always dazzle me.

Cheers to Best Week Ever for posting this.

One Response

  1. why do I look when I know I shouldn’t?


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