The Gossip Girl We Know and Love Returned Last Night! Huzzah!!!

Just in time for its summer hiatus!  Fiddlesticks!!!  Though I don’t really think I can better express my extreme frustration than this visual diagram:

chuck blair gossip girl

See, like Blair’s inability to wait for Chuck to confess his love for her, such is my inability to wait for Gossip Girl to return next season.  That’s just how good it was.  Soooo good.  Incapable-of-making-complete-sentences good, even, so let’s just abandon all hope of a cohesive recap and discuss the highlights of this fabulous return to glittery trash.

Firstly, there was the moment in this episode when for a hot second we’re all led to believe that Eric’s boyfriend was Gossip Girl, but then after the commercial break we’re told that he’s not; he just happened to hack into her file server, which gives him access to her texts (?). That barely makes sense, seems inspired by one of the bevy of internet-themed thrillers that came out in the mid-1990s when our minds were being blown by dial-up and AOL, and also gave me the “Whaaaa?”-face of the century.  It may have only been a tease, but what a fantastic tease it was.

Also, whoever’s styling Little J needs to be taken outside the bad idea barn and put down like a mad dog.  Her hair looked like a beaver damn, and I suspect that the lip color she was wearing was called “Consumptive Streetwalker.”  This madness must absolutely stop, y’all.  It’s getting to the point where I get the eye barfs every time she’s on screen.  Here’s hoping that, next season, she goes mad with power as the new Queen of Constance and becomes an über-bitch.  It’ll keep her character interesting and hopefully lead her to stop looking like she’s the headlining band of Fugapalooza.

And let’s talk about Serena’s determination to take down Gossip Girl as if she was the Rebel Alliance to GG’s Death Star.  I fully understand that she’s every right to be angry, but her schemes to out Gossip Girl were embarrassingly bone-headed, kinda like when she tried to get the stolen money back by faking pregnancy.  Methinks her academic Brown career at Brown will be an impressive(ly short) one.

And was it just me, or did Dan’s half-brother Scott shoot him the most homo-lusty gaze the world has ever seen?  I don’t actually know where I’m going with that, but I thought it’d be fun to just observe/cross my fingers that they make out during sweeps week this fall.  ‘Cos nothing says trash like quasi-incest; you can, after all, marry your cousins in both Alabama and New Jersey.  Just sayin’.  

Most importantly, though: Love, y’all.  Chuck and Blair have got so much we’ve-been-waiting-for-it-for-forever-and-sweet-mercy-do-I-want-both-of-their-coats-in-that-scene love in their hearts.  Lily and Rufus have oodles of thank-goodness-they’re-behaving-like-rational-adults-oh-wait-they-got-engaged-while-stoned love going on.   Nate has rekindled his let-me-spend-time-in-Brooklyn-while-I-spend-time-backpacking-in-Europe love with Vanessa.  Mostly, though, there’s the please-oh-please-oh-please-make-her-a-regular-cast-member-next-season I have for Georgina.  

There’s a tease that she may be attending NYU next fall and (!!!) be Blair’s roommate.  While it’s not yet confirmed if she’ll be a season regular, I’m really hoping so.  I get that she’s not a favorite amongst many people, but I’ve loved Michelle Trachtenberg since her days as Nona on The Adventures of Pete & Pete, so consider my Georgina love a personal problem that I merely insist on repeatedly sharing with you.  No need to thank me, y’all.  I’m just generous like that.

Lastly, it should be noted that Georgina will be attending Gallatin, which is the NYU school where you construct your own degree by choosing your own classes.  My roommate once met a kid in the program who was majoring in Evil.  Hot damn do I ever want Georgina to major in Evil.

One Response

  1. I believe michelle trachtenberg is staring in an NBC pilot called Mercy, so we must hope that fails. Can’t wait for your review of Glee. I loved it last night.


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