The “Plot” for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is Even More Ludicrous Than Expected

The final trailer for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen has arrived, and it makes me yearn for the days when it looked like this movie was just going to be two hours of Michael Bay’s patented brand of “high art” (robot carnage and lots of explosions).  Just look at this mess:

So let’s get this clear: Shia LaBeouf touches that shard thing, has an acid flashback, and then proceeds to scribble ominous hieroglyphics anywhere and everywhere possible.  All of this somehow relates back other hieroglyphics found around the world that seem to have something to do an impending robot war.  A war that, amongst other places, will take place in a college library.  Riiiiiight.  I’m not saying that this is the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever seen, but, really, it’s totally the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever seen.  This of course means I have to see it as soon as is Earthly possible.

I’ve never seen a movie enter such crazed stratospheres of absurdity in its attempt to string together set pieces.  These action sequences are held together by the narrative equivalent of Batshit Krazy Glue.  I recognize that trying to find a glimmer of logic in a movie about battling robots that’s directed by Michael Bay is a foolish endeavor, like going fishing in a bath tub or me making love to a woman, but really?  Most movies require you to suspend your belief, but Transformers 2 is looking as though you need to jettison it off into the darkest recesses of space. Well played, Michael Bay.  You’re officially the craziest man in Hollywood, and I mean that with the utmost respect.

Also, judging from the trailers, Megan Fox’s character doesn’t go to college because she’s staying back home and working as a motorcycle mechanic.  The sexy motorcycle mechanic who wrote THE textbook on dressing appropriate for work, natch.  Seriously:


Rumor has it that her character and Nomi Maolone are c0-writing a how-to on being classy called Whoops, My Vagina Fell Out of My Pants, and Other Social Blunders.  Look for it this fall.

2 Responses

  1. sounds like alot of nit picking, if Megan Fox showed up to work butt naked and fought robots with Shia wearing a thong, why would anyone spend 2 seconds complaining. You get giant robots righting, explosions and Megan Fox…check your brain at the door man. This isn’t a Kate Winslet drama.


    • Oh, I’m hardly complaining. If anything, the “nitpicks” are what have me most excited. I’m just babbling on with tongue planted firmly in cheek. I relish the fact that Transformers 2 will be loud and dumb and ludicrous. You’re most certainly have it right: it’s no Kate Winslet drama, and any movie about giant fighting robots most certainly shouldn’t be. I don’t want art, just unhinged insanity; thankfully, Transformers 2 looks like it’s going to deliver that in spades.


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