Give Jessica Biel All the Awards, People, Because She’s ACTING in Powder Blue

One time, in an independent cinema class I took in undergrad, we were watching Ulee’s Gold, which stars a quite excellent Peter Fonda and features a young Jessica Biel in a supporting role.  When her name appeared in the opening credits, I shrieked her name out loud in a mixture enthusiasm and surprise; this is apparently something most people don’t do, so I’ve had quite some trouble living that incident down amongst the friends of mine who’re in that class.  Whatever, I digress.

Point is, I really do love Jessica Biel, but before today I could never quite explain why.  Now I have an answer, though, and that answer is Powder Blue.  I mean, really, there are no words for this:

I’m sorry, but did we all just share that moment?  I hope so, because that moment was magical.  Jessica Biel even borrows from Elizabeth Berkley’s tricks and does a classic Nomi-shove!  YES!

I know that I like to throw around the Showgirls love a lot, but damn does this look like the heir to the thrown in terms of pure camp.  What is being played for maximum dramatic effect only manages to achieve maximum giggles.  Jessica Biel is HARDCORE because she SMOKES and CURSES AT DOCTORS, but she’s also DAMAGED and DESPERATE because she TRIES TO SEDUCE THE DOCTOR.  This is a SERIOUS MOVIE, and these are SERIOUS SITUATIONS, and this is SERIOUS ACTING.  If you couldn’t tell, Powder Blue is clearly shaping up to be the year’s subtlest drama.

What I love the most, though, is the seduction moment.  The second Jessica Biel puts on that sexy voice, you can literally see the trains crashing into each other in a firey blaze of LOLs.  I genuinely worry that, with such a high level of camp, I may explode if I watch this movie in a single sitting.  Trust me, though, that threat is not going to stop me.  Not by a long shot.

People, it’s official: Powder Blue has been upgraded from mere Bad Movie to Anticipated Camp Classic.  To hell with Netflix, I’m seeing this mess opening night.  The rightful heir to the Showgirls thrown drops May 8th, y’all.

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4 Responses

  1. First off, you always shriek randomly in a mixture of enthusiasm and surprise so don’t act like that moment was special between you and Miss Biel here. Do I even need to remind you of the Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow moment in Confessional Literature class…? Or how about when you quoted SJP from SATC (SO MANY ACRONYMS!) and almost cried…oh, wait…that’s not really related to you shrieking so much as it is to you declaring your sexuality loud and proud. But I digress…

    Secondly, Biel will never hit the heights of Miss Jessie Spano a.k.a. Elizabeth Berkley because I can’t see her tits.

    It’s not Showgirls until I see titties.

    By the way, I would like “It’s not Showgirls until I see titties” engraved on my tombstone, please.

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    • But that’s the beauty of Powder Blue: she plays a stripper and there will be boobies! And tranny prostitutes! I don’t know what else you could want.

      Also, can I please have “Tranny Prositutes make every movie better” engraved on my tombstone?

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  2. […] begging a tranny prostitute to kill him, Lisa Kudrow sharing her tips to a successful diet, and a whole bunch of Jessica Biel’s ACTING.  And her dirty pillows.  Mostly, though, we’re getting Jessica Biel’s ACTING, which […]

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  3. […] B:  Yes…she is ACTING.  And aw…she brought him a toy.  That’s the difference between Jessica Biel’s character and me…she gets her comatose kid some kind of action figure…I would say “You don’t get shit until you wake up!”  And ooh, here comes the doctor.  This scene is all sorts of awesome. […]

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