Your Pants are Not Safe! Muse is Opening for U2!!!

I mean, I just don’t know what to do anymore.  The promise of a new U2 tour is forever a daunting task, because it always promises to be an emotional roller-coaster.  There are the months of sweaty-palmed anticipation as you await for the tour date to come.

Then there’s the hyperventilating anxiety mixed with electric excitement the night before and the day of the show; it’s like Christmas, but it only comes once every several years!  Will U2 grant you your set-list wish list and play all the songs you want to hear, or will you suddenly halfway through the show find yourself realizing that the event is amounting to the U2-set-list equivalent of finding socks and ugly sweaters under the tree?  Ugh, it’s so nerve-wracking that I need need to run for a paper bag to calm myself!  ‘Scuse me.

ANYWAYS, I never before had braced myself for the fact that I was going to have to worry about literally losing total control of my bowels at a U2 show.  I long ago accepted the possibilities of a fainting spell, which is certainly embarrassing to be sure; however, it’s merely embarrassing.  Taking a number 2 amongst a crowd of 77,000 U2 fans is positively shameful as its both embarrassing AND totally stinky.  And with Muse opening for U2, I’m seriously frightened that there could be a very, very distinct possibility.  If this live clip is any indication, I may need to pack a few Depends to err on the side of caution:

Totally awesome.  Obviously these chaps know how to rock a stadium likes it’s their only way to live.  Of course, it doesn’t help that I personally find an inordinate amount of pleasure in the Philip-Glassian swirl of electronica that fills the song (seriously, not to be all Mya circa 2003, but my Philip Glass love is like “whoa!” for that man).  Added to that, I remain firmly convinced that Black Holes and Revelations is the heavier rock, space-operatic follow-up to U2’s much unchampioned masterpiece, Pop; the sound drags you to the dance floor, but the lyrics grapple at something far more profound and fascinating.  So, yes, color me deeply biased.

Still, things are adding up to where a nuclear bomb of unadulterated awesomeness is going to be dropping in the Tri-State area come late September.  Perhaps I’m alone, but I really think that this is like the Captain Planet of rock and roll concerts; when their powers combine, you will lose all bodily control and poop your pants.  If you’re especially weak, your head will simply explode.

Either way, I hope there’ll be some U2-branded parkas/adult-diapers available at the merchandise counters, ‘cos this show’s going to be something else.

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3 Responses

  1. wow. that clip rocked my laptop’s speakers off. seriously, i had to turn it down cuz they started crackling. i didn’t even notice the tea kettle going off. ps- i’m so stoked you started this blog!

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    • Is it not incredible? It gives me goosebumps whenever I watch it!

      And I’m glad to hear you like the blog. Feel free to pass it around 🙂

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  2. […] IT.  (Of course they did.)  Though it’s still no Ethel Merman Experience, which isn’t a criticism, just an […]

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