Powder Blue Looks Like the Train-Wreckiest Train Wreck

Look out, Elizabeth Berkley!  If the trailer for Powder Blue is any indication whatsoever, it looks like Jessica Biel’s in the running for Worst Performance as a Stripper.  I’m usually capable of withstanding large amounts of awful for the sake of good camp, but even I don’t know if I can make it through this mess.  Seriously, y’all, this movie looks terrible, and not in the fun way:

Admittedly, this movie will inevitably find an audience regardless of whether or not it’s campalicious because it’s already getting major press as the movie where Jessica Biel strips.  Given that I could care less for boobs, though, all I’m gonna get is a whole lot of overwrought seriousness.  This movie looks like it wants to be sooooooo serious with all its fragile, damaged characters that are supposed to reflect the frustrations and isolations that come with living in this day and age.  

Jessica Biel is a disenchanted stripper with a sick son and a good heart.  Forest Whitaker is a suicidal ex-priest who wants a tranny prostitute to shoot him.  And then there’s odd the mortician who’s just lonely and awkward and totally not a serial killer.  And let’s not forget Patrick Swayze, who looks like a tranny prostitute but apparently isn’t.  The characters are SERIOUS, y’all.  It’s nothing but 😦 all around for these guys.

Oh, and how could I forget the completely dialogue dialogue imbued with the glimmer of hope all serious movies need as they dissect the human condition:

Sad-faced stripper: When tomorrow comes, everything’s going to be okay.

Not-a-serial-killer mortician: Everything’s going to be okay.

Somehow, I don’t think it will be.  Powder Blue will still be on your resume.

I shouldn’t get too mean, though.  I’m not saying that this movie looks good or even enjoyably bad, but that doesn’t mean it’s not being moved to the top of my Netflix queue as we speak.  I’m just saying.

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3 Responses

  1. I don’t even know where to begin, except for “Four actors, all like in indignity, in B-list hell, where we lay our scene.” Seriously Forest Whitaker, what the hell are you doing? Must you descend from the fabled heights of Academy Award-winning glory to wallow in the dank pits of Jessica Biel’s garbage strewn attempt at a legitimate acting career? And by the way, the answer to your plaintive question to the Allmighty is simple: Because you made a terrible life choice.

    The only word in the entire preview with any ring of sincerity was spoken by the strip club MC, who seems to have stolen his wardrobe from Siegfriend and Roy. That word being “EXCRUCIATINGLY” as in “Excruciatingly Painful To Watch.”

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  2. […] Rejoice! Powder Blue is Out on DVD Today! I woke up this morning with an extra spring in my step and a renewed sense of hope for the world.  It’s safe to say that we all know why: […]

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  3. […] the clips online as a way of keeping the interest in Powder-Blue-as-camp-masterpiece alive?  Sure, the trailer’s pretty good at doing that on its own, but I can’t help but feel that you’re missing out on a vital potential […]

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