While I was perusing the interweb this afternoon, I stumbled upon the trailer for an upcoming horror movie called Orphan. It stars Peter Sarsgaard (yum) and Fiona Apple Vera Farmiga (who incidentally was also Joshua, another evil kid movie), and it looks like a riot. I mean, this is the trailer:
Roh-no! There’s something wrong with Esther, a secret that you’ll NEVER GUESS. If that’s a challenge, then I accept, trailer. Let’s all take a guess at what Esther’s secret is (be sure to leave yours in the comments section). I’ll go first. I think Esther’s possibly:
- A vampire. That choker on her neck has me totally suspicious.
- The antichrist. They never have birth records and are pure, unmitigated evil. Just go watch The Omen (not the remake, the original, le duh).
- An Eastern European demon/ghost/monster disguised as a girl. Seriously, her accent is ridiculous.
- A robot girl that got switched to “Kill” mode.
This movie may look like an uninspired rip-off of every Bad Seed-esque movie ever made, but I really want to see it now. I have to know her secret. That tag line is like a cruel taunt. At least there’s plenty of juicy moments of hysteria (everybody is just freaking out in this movie! EVERYBODY!) and evil kid cliches to keep the camp factor at (the very least) a solid 7.5. Excellent.
Also, I think we can all agree: that one girl totally had that shove from the playground coming. Jokes that are that cliched are inappropriate at any age.
UPDATE (7/8/09): Esther’s secret seems to have spoiled its way onto the internet. Thoughts on its validity can be found here; the alleged twist in its its original comment form can be found here.