S. Darko Will Be the Showgirls of Donnie Darko Sequels. Literally.

Ruh-roh!  Someone in Hollywood put on on their best Armani bad idea suit, had it dry cleaned and pressed at Train Wreck Washers, then walked into an office and pitched this hot mess:

I’m left with so many questions, such as:

  • Is that Chuck Bass?  Why is Gossip Girl‘s Chuck Bass in the sequel to Donnie Darko?
  • Why is that one guy dressed like an extra from Mad Max?
  • Who thought this was a good idea?
  • Wait, there’s a meteor shower?
  • And a firebird???
  • And dancing in said meteor shower?!?!?

UGH.  This is such a colossal assortment of bad ideas gathered under one straight-to-dvd roof that I…

ebsdarko1

NOMI!  Nomi Malone is back, y’all, and she’s now apparently a crack-whore-turned-stripper-turned-legitimate-dancer-turned-born-again-Christian-crazy-face!  Excellent.

Also: there’s a catfight!  Wheee!

berkleyka

berkleypow

I’m gonna hazard a guess that the Ring girl deserved that.

I still stand by my assertion that this movie is a terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE idea; but this movie also has Elizabeth Berkley.  As a kooky cult lady.  In Little House on the Prairie dresses.  And let’s not forget the firebird or the meteor shower.  Wild horses cannot drag this inevitable shit show off the top of my Netflix queue.

Oh, and let’s definitely not forget this:

sdarkohuh

Given that this shot makes no sense, I bet there must be lots of symbolism in this shot, like about how whoever directed this movie is not an artist in any fashion and should never be allowed near a camera.  EVER.  Guess nobody involved in this project took Film Theoy 101.  Oh well.

Duck and cover, y’all, ‘cos this awful bomb drops on May 12, and I highly doubt a newspaper will be enough to protect you from the bad idea burns.

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3 Responses

  1. AND it stars Rhonda from Big love! Donnie Darko does Polygamy.

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    • I know! I’m glad to see that, even though they’re tarting her up, they’re keeping the church lady attire alive with Elizabeth Berkeley’s outfits. I think this movie is inching up from must-Netflix to must-buy…

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  2. […] So Serious(ly Awful), S. Darko? Back when I saw the trailer for S. Darko, I had high hopes that it was going to be a campalicious train wreck.  It seemed to have […]

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