Don’t Watch the New Harry Potter Trailer Unless You’ve Got Some Depends Handy

Are you all diapered up?  Okay then, let’s go:

Gah!  GAH!

Yeah, I’ve already watched this several times, but still: GAH!!!

I find it particularly dazzling that virtually any hint of the actual plot to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is completely absent from this trailer; it almost plays like a teaser in terms of revealing any details about the narrative (memories, blah blah blah, Tom Riddle, blah blah blah, ask too much of Harry, blah blah FIN).  Instead, we get a whole bunch of visual flash to show off how hard they’ve been working on the effects for when Harry and Dumbledore use the Pensieve to view Voldemort’s old memories and when Death Eaters are attacking London, the latter which I don’t recall happening in the book, but I’m not about to start complaining, because that sequence looks AMAZING.

I love how this doesn’t even seem to be anything more than an overly glorified teaser trailer; it’s so light on narrative and heavy on effects that you have to wonder if this is Warner Brothers silently answering to the question of whether Half-Blood Prince‘s theatrical release was really pushed back from last November to this summer to work on effects and not the internet nerd speculation that execs were afraid the movie would be trounced by Twilight; if that’s the case, then well played, Warner Brothers.  

I’m glad you’ve genuinely used your additional EIGHT MONTHS (but I”m not counting) of post-production to ensure entire audiences can collectively crap their pants in awe from the totally glorious sensory overload.  Hopefully seeing this in IMAX 3D won’t cause your colon to literally fall out, though; that’d be terrible.

And who would’ve thought that David Yates, who primarily directed BBC shows before landing Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, would end up being such a total visual genius?  As the narrative of the series from the light-hearted fantastic of the early books to the darker anxieties and treacherous and violent gloom of the later books, Yates seems to be up to the task of crafting visuals that can be at once thrilling and threatening.  Seriously, Warner Brothers, so well played you deserve a golf clap.

Admittedly, it feels a bit strange to consider seeing a new Harry Potter movie two years after the release of the final book, as if we’re out of the zeitgeist and now in a time capsule.  Whatever.  I’m going back to watching that trailer now in anticipation of July 17th, y’all.  ‘Til then, I think we should all stock up on our adult-sized diapers.  Goodness knows we’ll need them.

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