Knowing Looks to Accelerate Nicolas Cage’s Career Swan Dive Into Awful

Over the past week, posters for the new Nicolas Cage film, Knowing, have been cropping up all over the subway likes it’s the advertisement equivalent of kudzu.  Are you confused about what Knowing is?  Don’t worry, I’ll show you:

I can’t explain it, but I really like it when Nicolas Cage claps in the classroom because it’s just such a classic Nicolas Cage “I’m ACTING!” sort of tic.  I’m not saying he’s a bad actor.  He’s totally great in Adaptation and the 20-odd minutes of Matchstick Men that I’ve seen, so there’s no doubt the man has talent.  Taste, however, might be another question.

Ever since The Wicker Man, he’s made increasingly poor career choices.  Can someone honestly defend movies (or the hairstylists hired for said movies) like Ghost Rider or Next or Bangkok Dangerous?  Not to get too Meryl Streep up in here, but I have my doubts, y’all.  The trailer for Knowing only appears to further confirm that Mr. Cage has taken a bungee jump off Career-Suicide Bridge without properly attaching the cord.  Ruh-roh.

I also want to know who greenlit this nonsense?  It’s like Next, Joel Schumacher’s abominable The Number 23, an episode of Lost focused on the Others, and Cage’s Wicker Man acting sensibilities all hopped into a telepod to make a Brundle-movie, and poor Alex Proyas is the one at the controls!  He once did the brilliant Dark City, and now he’s directing this schizophrenic mess?  YIKES!

But would I be lying if I said I wasn’t going to see it, possibly opening weekend at that?  Of course I would!

I’ve had a weakness for disaster movies ever since I rode the Earthquake ride at Universal Studios.  Epic destruction always yields a promise of over-the-top cinematic spectacle (usually ever greater as character development declines).  Besides, I’ve a weakness for movies that have “train wreck” stamped all over them, and Knowing has that stamp in big-bold letters.  When you add in the shredded cheese of a Nicolas Cage performance to it, you’ve  got a great recipe.

For unintentional laughs.

And, of course, then there’s this little online tidbit.  Someone at Summit Entertainment decided that a literal train wreck is the best way to whet you appetite:

I have to question the logic behind heavily marketing a film that features a rather freakish subway accident through an assault of MTA ads in New York City.  Between the talk of further rate hikes and an automated L train (seriously, you absolutely cannot trust robots), subway trips in this city are plenty hellish as is.  I don’t need the threat of a derailed 6, or worse, a screaming Nicolas Cage, to make me question the value of a monthly Metrocard.

Yet, judging from this clip, it appears that beyond the mysterious numerical codes, ghost people in business suits, and levitating rocks, we also get suspicious black vans with tinted windows as part of our potential conspiracy plot.  Excellent.  I hope this movie pulls a The Forgotten and it turns out this whole mess all comes back to aliens.  Or internet ghosts.  That’d be great.

And if there happens to be anything even remotely original in this awful-plant parmesan, I’m sending it back to the chef, because I refuse to acknowledge that this movie could in any way be actually good.  Otherwise I’d be that lone person at the party saying, “You know what, guys? Knowing was actually pretty good.”

That would be embarrassing.

Advertisements

3 Responses

  1. I hate Nicholas Cage. I love you for posting this.

    😀

    Like

    • It truly is the 8th Wonder of the Modern World that he continues to get roles. Seriously, it’s like the real life equivalent of the four-toed statue on “Lost”: a complete and utter mystery.

      Like

  2. […] Sold.  I’m sure that these words were intended to tell me to stay away, but then I read this review, which confirmed my earlier speculation. […]

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: