The new trailer for McG’s Terminator Salvation dropped yesterday, y’all. Get excited:
Wait, do we have to?
I’ll certainly admit that, coming from the man who gave us the most fabulous slow-motion hair tosses of all time, this movie appears to have the explosions-and-killer-robot equivalent of said hair tosses, so Terminator Salvation certainly holds the possibility of being totally ridiculous fun; furthermore, snaps to McG for actually devising a relatively interesting aesthetic for his apocalyptic-dystopia. I’m glad he’s not just simply trying to capture the perpetual night from the James Cameron installments.
Added to that, I thoroughly enjoyed Terminator 3, in which the director’s bravely unique vision was clearly, “Let’s go and blow tons of shit up!”; as such, I’m obviously not stepping into this installment franchise with any preconceived expectations or standards. I’ve come to accept that Hollywood will at some point or another pillage and repackage every central cinematic moment of my youth, so I figure I should stop fooling myself into hoping for quality and simply cross my fingers for the buttered-popcorn deliciousness of another brainless summer action movie.
On the other hand, though, this movie still looks positively incomprehensible. I recognize that looking for a plot in this kind of movie is an incredibly futile task, kinda like searching for the world’s best spareribs at a vegan convention, but the trailers keep perpetuating this myth that there might be a story. This is a high-concept movie (man vs. robot=EXPLOSIONS!), not a Bergman-esque exploration of the ever-blurring lines between man and technology in the modern age. So why does everybody, particularly Bryce Dallas Howard (who’s taking over the Claire Danes role from Terminator 3), seem so particularly shocked that machines are “replicating human tissue” so they can disguise themselves as people? Wasn’t that how the terminators got around in the first three movies?
And why does it look like the narrative centers around the “mind-boggling” idea that Skynet has constructed such a profoundly complicated artificial intelligence that it actually believes it’s human? That’s not dramatic tension, people; that’s Terminator-meets-A.I., which sounds terrible.
I really hope that all of this dialogue is just dialogue, and not indicative of any narrative in the film; otherwise, Terminator Salvation is beginning to look like a really bad horror movie where the audience knows the rules of the franchise but the characters are too profoundly stupid to recognize.
And also, if Sam Worthington heads to the bottom of the ocean in search of the Blue Fairy at the end of this installment, I’ll hurl my dung at the screen like a crazed ape.
Still, does this mean I won’t be checking out this mess out opening weekend? Ha, of course not! Here’s hoping May 21st brings us the nacho cheese of summer movies, though, ‘cos past precedent practically guarantees Terminator Salvation will be no fine Camembert.