This Girl That Hates Stephen King is Your Fag Hag

I know that you two have been nearly inseparable since you met during your summer abroad when–afterwards–she moved stateside six weeks later to the apartment across the hall (surprise!). But gurrrrhl, we need to talk.

I know you’ve probably heard all this about a million times before because she talks about it every you go out to your favorite gay bar, but at least this time you’ve gotten the entire rant out in one interrupted swoop as opposed to when she’s constantly interrupting herself by asking, “Why are you checking that guy out?  He’s totally not your type!  Focus!  This is SERIOUSLY IMPORTANT!  LIMELIGHT!!!” after she’s had her third Flirtini but before she tries to make out with you.  So at least there’s that.

But don’t you think it’s about time you two had a talk?

You have to admit that this is almost as embarrassing as that time she vlogged for 18 minutes about your boyfriend because he said she was creepy and controlling and sending him death threats by text message, but really it’s your boyfriend who’s in the wrong because he’s jealous of the fact that she knew you first and he’s not getting any of the limelight and she’s just protective of you.  And then he broke up with you.  Ouch.

Or then that time you found her private LiveJournal post where she’d Photoshopped both your faces onto the Twilight poster.  Yeesh.

Seriously, I’m just saying that you may want to consider a good, long talk or an even better, longer friendship sabbatical before she dedicates “Maps” to you at karaoke night.  Again.  It’s beginning to get a little embarrassing.  I’m just saying.

Thanks Videogum.

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2 Responses

  1. This girl is just awful. She is the youtube version of a black hole: time, reason and dignity get sucked in, never to return.

    And a “safe joining of love and sex”? She thinks about a book that could be titled “Oh Wow Sparkly Stalker Boyfriend Watches My Every Move” offers a good pattern for psycho-sexual relations for young girls to emulate?!

    She needs to spend less time stuttering over how pissed off she is and get her ass on a treadmill.

    Like

  2. wow. just wow…

    Ben, you need to get your Hag reigned in.

    Like

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