Ugh, Just Stop It, Slumdog Millionaire

When the Slumdog Millionaire trailer came out, I cried (don’t judge me!  Sigur Ros used in trailers has that effect on me!!).  When I saw the movie, I cried some more.  Whatever.  I have a nougat-soft sentimental side, and I liked the movie.  These things happen.  But then this happened, and this too, and it’ll probably happen again, and I’ve started to cry for a different reason.slumdog-millionaire-fl-021

It’s not that I hated the movie or am trying to jump on some backlash bandwagon.  Fine, Slumdog Millionaire, you’re this year’s Little Miss Sunshine/Juno.  You’re safe for mass consumption yet just edgy and international enough to make people feel like they’re broadening their horizons.  Neat.  But now you’ve gone too far, and you MUST be stopped.

The lovely folks at Celebitchy picked up on this story from The Times of India.  Let’s read a bit with our barf bags close by:

The producers of Slumdog Millionaire are reportedly going to launch a British television spin-off, in which millionaires will visit Mumbai slums to help poor families, a British newspaper reported recently.

Ugh.  How ’bout a little more?

The new show, called Secret Slumdog Millionaire, also takes its name from a successful British television show Secret Millionaire, in which wealthy businessmen and women move incognito into poor communities and select a person or project for charity.

Double ugh.  Let’s be brave and trek on some more.

The planned Slumdog TV series is the brainchild of the co-producers of the Oscar-nominated film who also make the popular television quiz show which inspired the plot for the movie. The newspaper reported that the producers are set to announce the new series soon and are aiming to broadcast it, “as soon as possible to cash in the enormous popularity of the movie”. A television insider told the paper, “It’s a fantastic idea….The millionaires who sign up will see real poverty in Mumbai and it is going to be very moving when they reveal their identity and offer these people help.”

Gross, but it just gets better, and by better I mean mind bogglingly worse.  Behold:

The producers however, are aware that this move may attract criticism, as the source says, “They are bracing themselves against charges that they are cashing in on poverty, but the bottom line is they will actually be helping people, as well as making a great TV show.”

Ruh-roh.  Who opened the gate at the bad idea barn?  Seriously, barf bags seem useless; I honestly suggest a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to wipe up the nearest wall after your brain explodes.

I cannot grasp how this is considered a good idea.  Charity is certainly lovely, but it shouldn’t be an act to profit upon.  Added to that, the notion of taking excessively rich white people to one of the poorest areas in the world so they can gawk at the “exoticism” and assuage their liberal white guilt by making some handouts in front of a camera for the sake of entertainment is some sick, twisted display of racism/colonialism.  This firmly goes on my “Do Not Want!” List.

So, honestly, Slumdog Millionaire.  Stop it.  Right now.  Do not use a 50/50, and don’t go phone a friend because D) You’re starting to be the worst.  Go win your Oscars and have a fun, Bollywood-esque dance into the sunset, ‘cos you’re making me angry.  And you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

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