Look, I’m as confused as you probably are about what this is. I mean, it’s definitely weird, but also strangely compelling and kinda, possibly fabulous? I don’t really know, you guys, but I do know “The Stanley Steemer Variations” is definitely a thing we’ve experienced together. Like a group hug with theater face. Or a shared trauma with lots of costume changes. Again, I’m not sure. Regardless, this thing–whatever it is–has happened, and it might be happening again for some us right now, but who’s to judge? We can quit whenever we want. Stanley f*cking Steemer, indeed.
No, really, we can agree right now that “Plastic Bag” is totally bonkers, and so naturally also the best. Everything from the obsessive repetition of a rather ridiculous lyric to all that Dancefloor Fierceness is marvelous, but the dress is what really makes this sublime. That dress is such glorious, arts-’n-crafts hobo hotness that I simply can’t. Seriously, everybody can just shut it down with their Katy Perry covers, because this queen wins.
When a stripper bludgeons a private dick to death with a tire iron, you know you’re in the presence of prime time soap opera perfection, so I’d say you should be watching Revenge if you aren’t already, but really, why bother? This supercut of Victoria Grayson’s best bon mots of bitchiness and gilded nuggets of Hamptons upper-crust c*ntery speaks for itself:
At this point, it’s almost not even worth mentioning that Madonna’s MDNA came out earlier this week. After all, if you’re reading this, chances are either you or at least one of your friends is a friend of Dorothy, which means either you or at least one of your friends has spent the past few days sashaying up and down your Facebook News Feed with quips and comments about the new Madonna album. Simply put: WE KNOW ALREADY, QUEEN. Hell, I’d offer my own two cents, but Madonna has so much money she probably scoffs at small change like a bouquet of hydrangeas. Besides, the last album I shared my thoughts on was Christina Aguilera’s Bionic, and we all know how well that turned out.
ANYWAYS, this wouldn’t the blog it is without some sort of MDNA-related post (duh), so here’s a music video forMadonna’s latest single, “Girl Gone Wild.” It may not be the official video, but it probably should be:
This girl is a veritable fountain stupid of questions and salty language, so pinkies out and headphones up!
HAHAHAHAHA, YES! Clearly the internet has given us the perfect leap year gift (a very, very gross girl with a very, very gross vlog post about the grave social injustice that is leap year), so thank you, Internet. It’s not every day you get a reason to wish the Hunger Games were real. Apparently it’s only once ever four years!
Mamma mia! It’s a YouTube video of nostalgia-fetishizing lip-plumper enthusiast Lana Del Rey’s “Video Games” in which Princess Peach yearns to get out of her not-so-super Mario marriage and give Luigi a taste of her crumb cobbler. Sure, it may not be Lana Del Rey’s “Hunger Games”, nor is it The Young Professionals’s discotheque-fabu “Video Games” cover, but this is still a rather clever, satisfyingly meta parody where Princess Peach works a pair of Lana Del Lips like she’s got a case of Lindsay Lohan’s Lady Trouty Mouth. I believe there are but two words for such a Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner gold-star worthy nerd thing:
Besides, do you tell a whore to stop burning while she dances? No. Do you tell a ballerina to stop scissoring with her crazy for the sake of perfection? No. Do you tell a random girl making copies to stop giving us so much Oh-f*ck! FACE when she realizes she’s on a live broadcast?
