It’s been over a year since I last threw on my gay claws and tippity-typed up a frothing homo frenzy about Sucker Punch, Zack Snyder’s live action follow-up to Watchmen, and so much has happened since then, y’all. Carla Gugino helped unleash the candy-colored Kraken of camp that is Women in Trouble, and Zack Snyder made an animated family film about owls:
One of these makes me cackle because it’s fabulous, and the other makes me cackle because my brain cannot comprehend that it’s a thing that actually exists. You’re welcome to try and figure out which one’s which, but please, don’t strain yourself.
ANYWAYS, more important than any of that stuff tangentially related to my Sucker Punch anticipation is the fact that the teaser phase of marketing has finally kicked-off. This explains why we’ve now got six character-based teaser posters over at the film’s official website. There’s one for Emily Browning as Baby Doll:
Estimated budget of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow as according to Box Office Mojo? $70 million. Total worldwide box office of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, again, as according to Box Office Mojo? $57, 958, 696; in other words, just shy of $58 million. If you’re going to be an accountant about it, I guess that makes Kerry Conran’s loving homage to Classic Hollywood film serials, kitschy sci fi aesthetics, and New York City architecture in the late 1930s (seriously, the scene where Gwyneth Paltrow goes into Radio City Music Hall is an instant Art Decorgasm) something of a box office failure. Not an outright bomb, for sure, but also not about to get Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow 2: 2 Late for 2morrow greenlit any time soon. BOOO, 0bviously. Obviously? Obviously.
There are plenty of actresses out there who deliver perfectly serviceable freaking-the-f*ck-out FACE, but I will forever stand by the notion that Veronica Cartwright had a hot moment in the late ’70s where–between Ridley Scott’s Alien and Philip Kaufman’s superlative remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers–she made it her business to lose her shit on a completely different level. I mean, have you seen her in Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Frightened Veronica Cartwright and bugnuts hysteric Veronica Cartwright are basically the same thing, which simply goes to show how much she COMMITS. Seriously, a long-standing appreciation of scream queens has taught me that there’s many a way to portray fear on film, but nobody else does it with quite the same panache as Veronica Cartwright.
And as usual, don’t hesitate to click to enlarge and appreciate the fabulousness of it all.
Because they haven’t, and that shouldn’t come as a surprise. After all, I once tried really hard to convince myself that AVP: Alien vs. Predator was not a colossal disappointment that made my soul hurt, and if that doesn’t speak to the lengths my love of the Alien franchise will take me, then you’ve obviously never seen AVP: Alien vs. Predator, and oh how I envy your unsullied eyes.
Anyways, ComingSoon.net has picked up on a story from Shadow Locked in which Roger Christian (who was art-director for the original Alien) claims that Ridley Scott’s intending to make his upcoming Alien prequel in 3-D, though I’ll let his own words take it from here:
Ridley’s doing the next Alien in 3D. Ridley told me some of his ideas when we were here in Toronto. He has a very clear understanding of where this should go. They kind of stopped dead one of the greatest horror franchises there’s ever been, and it had legs to go on. So I’m hoping he’ll revive another three. The world certainly wants it, and the fans want it – everybody.
Sure, Hollywood’s current obsession with making every potential blockbuster a 3-D spectacular already has me near fatigue, but Alien built its tension through its brilliant use of space, which means I can’t even imagine the throes of ecstasy that Ridley Scott moving his camera through a cavernous, Nostromo-esque ship will bring when it’s in 3-D. Seriously, I really can’t handle news this nerdgasmic, so I’ll just let my Photoshop Skillz speak on my behalf:
Hollywood, the succubus of creative thought and artistic vision, has done something right for once. While the bulk of the time they spend bleeding good ideas dry with endless sequels and remakes and franchise reboots tends to send me into fits of brick-shitting rage, there’s the occasional instance where the Hollywood money hungries leads to it making something genuinely likable. Movies such as Star Trek, which was really great! Or The Dark Knight, which was flat out brilliant! These things can happen, and it’s for that reason that this little tidbit of news has me thoroughly giddy:
Seriously, the Alien franchise is admittedly one to which I’m incredibly faithful. I sat through the miserable train wreck that was Alien vs. Predator and then somehow decided that I still had to waste my money on Alien vs. Predator: Requiem. I actually kinda like the utter insanity that is Alien Resurrection in a camp sort of way. I’ve long ago abandoned the hope that the material would ever again approach the quality of Ridley Scott’s original masterpiece or James Cameron’s exceptional sequel, but news of Ridley Scott returning to helm a prequel proves that hope does indeed spring eternal.
I’m certain there’s plenty of time for plenty of bad ideas to arise and ruin what could otherwise have been an excellent movie, but right now I couldn’t care less. Ridley Scott’s vision defined the Alien franchise, and it will always be the one to beat. The derelict spacecraft the Nostromo receives the distress call from is a stunning achievement in art design and set production, and any opportunity for Scott’s camera to return to those strange caverns is fine by me. Plus we can hopefully finally get some answers to the most important question about Alien that’s ever been asked:
It is a matter of public record that I have a frightening obsession with deep affection for Battlestar Galactica. The word “frak” entered my vocabulary with such regularity that my exasperated friends had to forbid its use. I approached every situation by asking myself, “What would Starbuck do?” I prayed every so fervently to the Lords of Kobol that I would be revealed as the Final Cylon. When group plans are made, I always end with “So say we all.” Consequently, my anticipation for Ron Moore’s next creative project, Virtuality, was understandably great…and he did not disappoint.
Virtuality was intended to be the pilot episode of a full series, following the lives of 12 crewmen on Earth’s first starship, the Phaeton. The ship is on scientific mission of exploration to that takes on epic importance when it became known that Earth faces an imminent ecological disaster; suddenly, the ship’s mission to explore a new solar system offers the only hope finding a new home for humanity. The show’s title is derived from two interesting aspects. The first is the presence of a sophisticated virtual reality system, controlled by an 2001: A Space Odyssey-esque AI, meant to give the crew some relief from their ten-year incarceration in a rotating tin-can. The second is the fact that the entire journey is being broadcast back to Earth as a reality tv show (complete with confessionals!). As the show opens, we are introduced to the cast-crew of the Phaeton. As it progresses, we watch things go terribly wrong as the moment nears in which they must choose to “Go, or no go”; to launch themselves into the void, or return home. As a pilot it was engaging and compelling, with moments of sheer awesomeness (of near Battlestar proportions) as it offered the most tantalizing glimpses into a far-out space odyssey/psychological thriller that would have challenged the very notions of reality and perception. Unfortunately, it is all for naught, as Fox failed to pick it up as a series; yet another example of the network’s failure to appreciate and support quality science fiction.
Spoilers, and a rant against the Fox network’s horrid priorities, ahead! (more…)
I debated about writing anything in regards to Michael Jackson’s untimely passing. There are bigger fans who can better articulate how much he mattered to music and pop culture as a whole. When you realize you’re best equipped to discuss his slow descent from King of Pop to the Grand Poobah of Eccentric Celebrity Curios–the Howard Hughes of music, if you will–you kinda realize it’s quite not your place to chime in during a time of mourning. I mean, do you really want to look like this asshole? Hell no. Besides, I will always appreciate the fact that I get to share my name with his 1972 ballad devoted to a rat. Top that, people named Jude.
Anyways, I’ll simply pay my respects with one of my favorite moments in Michael Jackson’s career:
That’s right, Captain EO, the 1986 sci-fi/musical 3-D short film staring Michael Jackson and Anjelica Huston (who scared the living hell out of me when I first saw it). It’s rather ridiculous in and of itself (small wonder I love it so), but knowing that it was directed by Francis Ford Coppola and co-written by George Lucas make it pretty profoundly wonderful. There may be greater moments to highlight in his career, but I’ll never forget my parents taking me to see Captain EO at age three when we visited Disney World. It’s that sort of unforgettable impact that is the real testament to this man’s work. It’s part Star Wars, an ample aesthetic splash of Ridley Scott’s Alien, and all Michael Jackson magic. After the jump, in its YouTube entirety, I give you the 80s nostalgia-bomb that is Captain EO:
And not just because it looks great. Don’t get me wrong, The Box does look badass. Really:
Having grown up in the South, I’ve gotta admit that those Southern accents are kinda terrible, but otherwise there’s so much to love! Like Cameron Diaz’s hair (so feathered, so fabulous!), and James Marsden (make him a star, Hollywood!), and Frank Langella super creepy busted face (so obscured, but still so scary!). And then there’re all that unsettling surreal imagery and the fact that this trailer is thankfully edited to maximize the head-trippy weirdness and minimize your understanding of the overall narrative arc and, damnit, why must it not be out ’til October? I’ve only so much patience to give!
Of course, I must admit that I may be totally biased. I genuinely enjoyed Donnie Darko as the cult classic that it is, and Southland Tales was such a gloriously batshit insane fever dream of pop culture and political frustration that it was easily one of my favorite films of 2007. That movie’s fairly been considered a cinematic train wreck, but it’s one of the wonderfully compelling train wrecks I’ve ever seen. And besides, as we’re all well aware, I love me some train wrecks. The fact that The Box seems more narratively focused just gets me all sorts of giddy. But like I said, I just might be biased towards liking anything Richard Kelly does. Why? Here’s why:
Megan Fox giving lessons on how to dress appropriately for work?
Then there are the reviews, which confirm what I’ve long suspected. Ladies and gentleman, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which is at long last in theaters, seems like it’s going to be one seriously ferocious train wreck, no CGI necessary.
I may no longer be a teenager, and I certainly never was a straight man, so the reality of the situation is that I’m definitely not this movie’s target audience. There will be no Shia LaBeouf in hot pants slouched over a motorcycle, and there are no reports of a gay robot that wishes all the Transformers could stop fighting and start striking a pose. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen will be loud and stupid and completely devoid of any positive social value, but it will at least be one thing other thing, and that thing will be over-the-top camp.
“But wait,” you ask, “isn’t camp bedazzled, transparent badness capable of launching gays into giggle fits?” Indubitably, my dears, but hear me out.
