You might think Black Tank Top’s having all the fun (check out her cool dance moves! Arms! Head bops! ARMS! COOL MOVES, GIRLFRIEND!!!), but you’d be wrong! It’s actually Red Polo that’s winning this outdoor rave. Seriously. He’s killing it like a zombie. Here, just take a look, and you’ll see what I’m talking about:
Once, not so long ago, I discovered the ferocious dance magic of 80s Italian variety show superstar Sara Carlson, and it was fabulous. Sure, she set an impossibly high bar by which all others must be judged (sorry, Bonnie Bianco), but Sara Carlson busts moves worth the mind-blowing paradigm shift that will force you to recalibrate your feeble understandings of reality and consciousness. I imagine it’s like dropping acid, but without the whole mess of making your spinal fluid run backwards.
Anyways, while we may never match the inimitable batshit insanity of Sara Carlson’s days on Al Paradise, it’s comforting to also be reminded that Italian television’s well of crazy runs deep. Like, ridiculously deep:
The best I can tell, Tilt is some sort of disco-era dance competition, which explains why everybody’s dancing around in a discotheque straight out of 2001: A Space Odyssey. And the Dali-meets-Magritte floating-apple backgrounds (sure). As well as the two separate instances where Stefania Rotolo flies around on a piano (of course?). You know, the usual imagery for a disco competition. When you’re on angel dust.
Judging by the next clip, though, perhaps Tilt is actually a children’s variety program:
Sweet Shimmying Moses, Japan! Must You So Recklessly Play With the Flames of the Robot Apocalypse?!?
December 1, 2009
There is no reason for anyone to like robots. For one thing, they could very well be the harbingers of the apocalypse. Also, they’re just creepy. Even Asimo, that robot by Honda:
He is NOT to be trusted. First he will replace the world’s interns and personal assistants by winning your trust when he brings you your half-caff soy latte just the way you like it, then he will be use his built-in milk-steamer/laser-canon to exterminate you and your coworkers during the robot uprising. Duh.
That said, Asimo has nothing on this monstrosity from the Sixth Annual ROBO-ONE GATE IN INTERNATIONAL ROBOT EXHIBITION 2009 Dance Competition. She’s basically the dead-eyed posterbot of my waking nightmares:
Shakira Has Just Ridicudanced Her Way into My Heart
August 3, 2009
Ridicudancing, y’all. Whether it’s the sensational moves of Nomi Malone or the sublime artistry of Sara Carlson, I love it when someone burns when they dance. That said, it’s hard to find truly excellent ridicudancing. There’s plenty of bad dancing, for sure, but great ridicudancing only happens when the proper proportions of talent, batshit crazy vision, and a total lack of inhibition combine. It’s truly like chemistry, and judging by the video for “She Wolf,” Shakira has mastered the science.
Admittedly, saying that Shakira’s dance moves are ridiculous is like commenting on how blue the sky is, but trust me when I say that the moves she busts out in this video are truly avant garde in their insanity. Maybe it’s helped by the fact that “She Wolf” is an inherently ludicrous (yet insanely catchy) pop song about lycanthropy as metaphor for ladies having a case of the hornies, and we all know ridicusongs demand ridicudancing. Whatever the case, you simply must click the picture and take a ride on Shakira’s crazy train. Seriously:
Whoah there, lady friend. I don’t even know where to begin with this one, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try!
Of all the curios I’ve come across the internet since beginning this blog, the kinetic wonder that is Sara Carlson is indubitably a personal favorite. For the camp aficionado, watching her dance is a transcendental, yet enigmatic, experience. She moves in ways that are positively superhuman, her facial expressions are like tractor beams determined to pull you into her orbit of fabulousness, and those costumes are simply out of control. At the same time, there’s so little information about Sara Carlson that she’s practically like the Loch Ness Monster of camp pleasure. We have document occurrences but little substantial information to support or explain her existence.
How did she find herself in Italy, and where did she go after her stint on Al Paradise? What’s she been up to in the past two-and-a-half decades, and where is she now? While many of these questions demand answers, I’m quite pleased to say that I can at least vouch for Sara Carlson’s existence. We’ve made contact, and she walks among us! Seriously, check it out:
And not only has she found us, but we can now find her whenever we want thanks to the wonders of MySpace. Thanks, outdated social network of the early aughts!
Even better, though, is that her MySpace has several more videos posted, and–dare I say it? Yes, I do dare!–they’re even more incredible than the last round. I hope you like your paradigms shifted, because that’s what these videos will do.
Just watch this poetry in motion:
I recognize that, in the era of YouTube clips, what probably made sense in a particular time to a particular group of people is reintroduced to the world in a contextual vacuum. Without meaning, these videos become a veritable playground for camp, a place where the indecipherable message is the first language of ironic detachment and surface aesthetics the currency of visual pleasure. As such, perhaps I’m inherently biased towards this Fellini-meets-Lady-Gaga pinnacle of unadulterated, uninhibited batshit insanity. Whatever.
None of that changes the fact that Sara Carlson is not merely fierce; she’s full on ferocious. Also, we can all agree that the only thing that could make this video better is if she looked like a tranny streetwalker who styled herself a member of Jem and the Holograms. Fortunately for us, such a video exists: