Darren Aronofsky’s Black Swan Will Be My New Favorite Movie of 2010, or: No Duh, You Old Queen August 24, 2010

Take the poster for Black Swan for example.  This poster alone is enough to send me into a hundred fits of gay vapors (or “gaypors,” if you’re in the know).  Just look at this piping hot plate of Natalie Portman FACE:

OOH, IT BURNS!  Seriously, though, this poster’s phenomenal.  It’s gorgeous with a subtle air of creepy, and all of it demands that I get my ass to the theater as soon as possible to see this movie, which is sorta like how I feel whenever I watch the trailer.  Except for the part where the trailer makes my head explode.  If you’ve seen the trailer, you know what I’m talking about.  If you haven’t, change that poor life choice of yours IMMEDIATELY.  Either way, let’s all give it a spin and discuss:

Well, first things first:

Chloe Will Be One of My Favorite Movies of 2010 Because Duh January 14, 2010

I need this movie to be here yesterday:

It’s not about the poster, which is basically just Amanda Seyfried giving FACE, and we all know how I feel about Amanda Seyfried, so it’s great, but I digress.  

No no, I can’t wait for Chloe because it looks like it’s going to be this year’s Obsessed (and we all know how I feel about Obsessed), but this time it’s starring Julianne Moore and gunning for a hard R-rating, so it looks even better than Obsessed, but I digress.  

My point is you need to watch the trailer because SPOILER ALERT it’s bonkers:

The Only Thing More Depressing Than Scream 4 Existing Is Scream 4 Existing AND Starring Neve Campbell September 26, 2009

It’s been a while since thought about Scream 4, and that’s largely because it pains me to know end to think about this debacle coming to fruition.  Scream was the first R-rated horror film I was ever allowed to watch.  I lost my H-card to Scream, y’all, so the thought of Courteney Cox Arquette and David Arquette being surrounded by a CW-series worthy cast of actors and calling it Scream 4 feels somewhat akin to tracking down your high-school sweetheart only to discover they’ve gotten a cheap boob-job and are turning tricks outside a Cheesecake Factory.  You want so desperately to rekindle those old feelings, but you can’t help but feeling it’s going to be sloppy and desperate.  In the end, it’s really just best to walk away and remember the good times.  So why stop with the ostrichin’?

Well, there now comes news that Neve Campbell has joined the cast of Scream 4, which is the sort of tidbit that makes me wish Tatum was still around to dole out her sassy yet sage wisdom:

Seeing as she was taken out by a rather unfortunate accident involving a doggy door and an electronic garage door opener, such advice could not be counseled.  That, and she’s also a fictional character, but whatever.  Boo.

What sucks about this development (besides Neve Campbell seeing Neve Campbell get wrangled into this train wreck) is that I now have to hoist up my white flag and admit defeat/mildly percolating interest.  If I’ve sat through Three to Tango for Neve Campbell,  then it goes without saying that I’ll be sitting through Scream 4 for Neve Campbell.  Of course they’ll probably just Casey Becker her in the first 15 minutes, but shooting doesn’t start ’til next spring, so there’s still time for this not to be the worst!  Let’s discuss.