I’ve learned in my old age (27, which in gay years is OLD) to not really question the internet. Much like that U2 song (*TERRIBLE PUN ALERT!*), she moves in mysterious ways (oof, so sorry!). In this particular case, that means smashing up Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” (a thing that I love) with a short soundbite of Nigel Thornberry from Nickelodeon’s The Wild Thornberrys (a thing that I watched in my youth, aka, when I was not OLD). It is very internet, which is to say a strange amalgamation of the contemporary and the nostalgic. And also curiously–perhaps even dadaistically, if you will–wonderful:
WHAT?!? Because being Lady Gaga and looking like a lesbian moppet are both homo things? Ew, Facebook. No.
(Unless–of course–it’s this, in which case: I LOVE IT.)
Remember that one time Katy Perry tweeted this?
And how it was most likely in response to a certain someone’s “shocking” (it was not shocking) latest video? No? Because you, like me, try and avoid Katy Perry like a plague
Anyways, the music video for Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” arrived on the interwebs yesterday, and though it may have already been yanked, its brief appearance has already left us a single GIF to remind us what a not-a-fart joke looks like (and be sure to click the image and see this mess in motion):
Oh, “Alejandro”…your music video may have left me underwhelmed, but you’re still such a fabulous song, much like this ridicufabulous dead-bird hat on top of Lady Gaga’s head:
I mean, what is going on here? Why is Norman Bates’s back-office parlor decor sitting on her head? Wait a tic, it’s Lady Gaga, so why am I asking stupid questions when I already know the batshit answers? Whatever.
Anyways, the interwebs have gone and done mashed-up Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro” with Ace of Base’s “Don’t Turn Around,” which is basically like a 6-minute layer cake of dance pop fabulousness and 90s pop nostalgia:
On one hand, this mash-up is easily the best produced “Alejandro”/”Don’t Turn Around” mash-up I’ve come across (the MP3 can be downloadable here, just in case you’re as crazily obsessed as I am), so I applaud it for going viral. On the other hand, however, didn’t we already establish this like well over six months ago, and we’re only getting this mash-up just now? Damn, interwebs, you’re acting a little tired:
Action:
Reaction: Ermm, neat?
Don’t get me wrong: on a purely aesthetic level, “Alejandro” is a slick–if chilly–experience. Sure, previous videos have been more unabashed efforts in batshit insanity and/or delirious camp (two qualities I’ve long adored in Lady Gaga’s oeuvre), but I suppose some sort of restraint in those arenas is the price of artistic growth, so brava! I guess?
Added to that, I’m sure there’s a way interpret “Alejandro” as nearly nine minutes of back-up dancers in various states of fascist-themed fetish gear, Lady Gaga in various states of Catholicism-inspired dress/undress, machine gun bras, pageboy haircuts, and overtly gay imagery (you can’t call it homoerotic when it’s anything but subtle, Shot of Push-Ups That Look “Conspicuously” Like Butt Sex) that coalesce into some sort of treatise on Foucauldian power structures and queer revolution; unfortunately for me, I’ve recently been gorging on far too much pop culture garbage to fit into my size-28 pretentious pants and try waaay too hard to convince myself I’m anything other than strangely underwhelmed by “Alejandro.” It’s entirely serviceable, possibly even genius, but by no means blowing my mind.
And besides:
I think it’s important to contextualize the new music video for Christina Aguilera’s “Not Myself Tonight” with a couple things: firstly, unless you work in a sex shop that specializes in high-end leather wear and bedazzled gag balls or an office with an HR staff that doesn’t consider getting your Nomi Malone on and mercilessly humping EVERYTHING inappropriate workplace conduct (so basically you work at the Cheetah), then yes, “Not Myself Tonight” might in fact be considered Not Safe For Work. More importantly, though, I’m pretty sure that Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Christina Aguilera impersonation is going to be so miffed that the real Xtina finally got around to doing a cover of Lil’ Kim’s “C*m-Guzzling F*ck Whore”:
Oh lordy, Christina, that was most certainly skanky enough. Bonkers, too, which can only mean that we need to talk about this thing, so let’s all put some aloe vera on our Christina burns and talk about this thing after the jump.
