You know, it’s times like this that I wonder if I should’ve devoted Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner to something like cat farts as opposed to pop culture because it’s hard to over think three hours of cat farts; real talk: blogs about cat farts write themselves. Blogs that try to recap rather paint-by-numbers Oscar ceremonies? Not so much.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like last night’s Academy Awards ceremony was an interminable bore. After all, the woman whom shall henceforth forever be known on the interwebz as “Lady Kanye” has us all talking about the Best Documentary Short win, which is a real coup for a category of movies I know to exist only because they continue to get awards every year; otherwise, I remain vaguely convinced documentary shorts are like the Sasquatch of cinema, but I digress.
My point is that the Oscars were totally fine in the way that a largely predictable three-and-a-half hour Hollywood circle jerk is totally fine, but Oscar party margaritas have a tendency to make most anything better, so if it was worse than just watching a bunch of people win the same awards we’ve been seeing them win all awards season, I honestly wasn’t paying attention. Anywho, this ping-pong-ball-sized kidney stone of a blog post ain’t gonna pass itself, so let’s take one last look back and throw out some patently irresponsible kudos and sassy finger snaps to a few of the more mentionable moments:
First off, kudos are certainly in order for Mo’nique. I’ve heard her performance is excellent, and I might even one day be able to personally attest to that, but even those few moments they showed during the Oscars were enough to thoroughly disturb me, and I really don’t need any more fodder for my nightmares. Particularly when the Oscars were already getting ad revenue from the ultimate nightmare fuel: