Allow Me to Introduce Bonnie Bianco, the Sara Carlson of 80s German Variety Television
November 16, 2009

In case you’ve yet to witness the combustible magic of Sara Carlson, the Al Paradise sensation who’s inimitable song and dance stylings have won hearts and blown minds over here at Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner, then you’d best correct that terrible life choice.  Immediately.  Seriously, it couldn’t be easier.  Just click here and here, and make sure you’ve a box full of Kleenex ready for all those tears of joy.  All done?  Great!  Then moving right along.  

So this weekend, Skynet YouTube Recommendations once again read my mind and suggested this little number below, “Circo Circo” by Bonnie Bianco.  It may not be Sara Carlson, I thought, but Al Paradise‘s own brand of early-80s carnivalesque psychedelic tranny insanity is enough to make any performer a star, mais oui?

Mais non.

Maybe it’s that Bonnie Bianco’s moves are like something out of the beginner’s course at the Sara Carlson Academy of Batshit Fabulous Ridicudancing, but I also place a lot of the blame on the clowns.  They’re never anything but a recipe for nightmares, so let’s all blame the clowns.  And the fact that every great star needs a great a director.  

It seems to me that Italian variety television just doesn’t know how to make Bonnie Bianco shine.  Fortunately enough, much like von Sternberg made Dietrich, so too has the sauerkraut-and-bratwurst touch of German’s Rotkreuz-Gala transformed Bonnie Bianco into a sensation:

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You Do Not Come Between Gerta and the Pink Lingerie
April 22, 2009

I mostly know of Germany through Tom Tykwer’s movies and going to an Oktoberfest years ago in Georgia, so I’ve clearly got much to learn about the Germans and their culture.  Fortunately, this ad has given me a little more insight about the land of bratwurst Rainer Werner Fassbinder, which is that apparently German women go batshit crazy for a sale:

Hot damn, German women are clearly not afraid to cut a bitch if the price is right!  Or club a bitch with her own dismembered arm, for that matter.  It’s safe to say that, in between constant trips to the emergency room, you love to go shopping with all of these German women because they’re clearly your fag hags.

I guess I can now add “They’re rather aggressive during a recession” to my list German trivia facts, which also includes bon mots of factual wisdom like “Sauerkraut is delicious” and “Germans really know a thing or two about beer.”  As the Germans would say, fantastisch.  

More importantly, though, Hollywood really needs to important this director like he’s the new German Expressionism.  He could totally expand this into a full-length feature; it’d be like Battle Royale meets Confessions of a Shopaholic.  I totally would see that opening day, and don’t even try and pretend you wouldn’t as well.

Cheers to Videogum for finding this through copyranter.

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