The Final Poster for The Ugly Truth Gives Me a Headache July 6, 2009

Sometimes I editorialize images I find on the internet with pithy comments in pink letters.  But sometimes there’s an image that  speaks entirely for itself.  Such is the case of the final poster for The Ugly Truth, which I spotted on the streets while walking to the bank this afternoon:

Yes, ladies and gents, it speaks for itself, and it says, “UGH.”  Even though this is essentially the same thing as the teaser poster (but now with actors),it’s still an embarrassment to anyone with a brain.  Or genitals.

Women love love, so Katherine Heigl’s holding her heart as an object unto itself.  And men love sex, so Gerard Butler’s holding his heart over his business while he lustily smirks at Katherine Heigl.  The lesson?  Men love you to take a ride on their discostick, so do it now in order to make them like you, ladies.  Don’t worry that this probably means they’re emotionally unavailable Neanderthal man-children; just give them a trip down your tunnel of love, and the sparks will be flying!

Look, I fully understand that movies like The Ugly Truth are intended to be light-hearted comedies that deliberately embrace tired gender stereotypes as opposed to having the creativity or intelligence required in saying something innovative about how men and women emotionally and romantically connect, but this Gender Wars 101 bullshit is the dead horse that’s been so thoroughly beaten that all you’ve got in front of you is a bucket of glue.  Never mind the trailer; this poster is so boring I damn near had a narcoleptic fit on Sixth Avenue.

More importantly, though, is how incredibly misogynistic these reductive gender politics are.

Gerard Butler Will Do Anything for a Klondike Bar June 1, 2009

I don’t know about you, but I always think of the first phrase “hot piece” when Gerard Butler comes up.  Yes?

I tend to prefer my men’s facial hair to be a little more trimmed, but I most certainly wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers.  Something about him just screams “roguish devil,” and those eyes are simply incredible.  Anyways, because he’s payed his dues [aka, screaming all his lines in 300 (a terrible, terrible movie that I unfortunately saw) and posthumously sending Hilary Swank on a ridiculous scavenger hunt in P.S. I Love You (a terrible, terrible looking movie that I fortunately avoided like the plague)], 2009 is going to be his breakout year.  Why?  He’s the lead in not just one, but two movies!  He’s got The Ugly Truth, a rom-com designed to appeal to the ladies:

Yeesh.  Are Hollywood’s notion of ladies in actuality brain-dead, zombies with a penchant for masochism?  

I know that most people think of Katherine Heigl as that actress from Grey’s Anatomy who wears the same pair of bitch pants every day when she goes to work, but I really like her.  She was charming in Knocked Up, and she’s the best part about the second season of Grey’s Anatomy (other than Sandra Oh and Sandra Oh’s fabulous hair).  She even made me think about seeing 27 Dresses, so she obviously has a hold on me.  Still, this movie looks terrible!  And not in a fun way!  

Who thinks these bullshit gender wars movies are insightful entertainment?  I get it, Hollywood: women are all about communication and emotions, and men are all about boobies and sex.  Neat.  I could go on and on about how this movie isn’t worth seeing because it relies on lazy observations about the sexes for cheap laughs and how we already know that Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler will get together in the end.  Really, though, I think the trailer says all that for me, so let’s spare me the carpal tunnel and move right along.