With Christmas a mere twelve days away, now’s the right and proper time to check in and see what Drew Droege’s utterly brilliant, barbe-quoi-lovin’ faux Chloë Sevigny (Flauxë Sevigny?), is getting for the twelve days of Christmas, so let’s go see what Chloe’s true love got her, shall we?
Sure, this first installment of The Wil Show’s Big Brother trilogy might be a little more value added if you’ve been obsessively following this latest season. Joe really does inexplicably yell in the diary room and have terrible, terrible facial hair and make up completely absurd lies. For realsies, he once claimed to have named I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. Also: UGH, Danielle. Just UGH! That all said, even if you haven’t been keeping up with this season, we can all appreciate Wil Heuser’s impressive contributions to nightmare drag:
If you told me that the guy above could go from hot bearded hipster gay (heyyyy) to the ravishing bitch and all-around rolemodel below:
My second response would be “I call your bluff.” (My first response would be “DON’T TOUCH THAT BEARD!!!”) I’m hardly saying it’d be impossible, but it’ll definitely take commitment. My clown lesbian fright drag Liza Minnelli is proof positive, y’all.
ANYWAYS, here’s a video of said bluff being called. It’s kinda NSFW on account of all the boobs, but this Showgirls we’re talking about, so tell your boss it’s ART. “A Long Day’s Journey Into Cristal Connors”:
For me, every Halloween’s outcome is a crap shoot. Some years I’ll really get into the spirit and go out all dressed (or dragged) up, and other years will be spent holed up in my bedroom with whatever horror movies I can get my hand on and a bag of candy, all hopped-up on sugar and shouting obscenities at the television. Fortunately enough, this year I ended up going with the former after I was invited to a Halloween party by my dear friend Lindsay. Of course she and I would have to go as a pair, but obviously not as a lazy metaphor for sexual penetration:
Mostly because that lock costume would make me self-conscious about my hips, but whatever, I digress.
Our plan was to go as Lucille and Lucille II from Arrested Development; however, that fell through when we found that every last old-lady-with-a-bob wig was snatched up like it was a Brazilian drag competition. All the same, I knew I still had to go as Liza Minnelli because:
ANYWAYS, I’m not usually one to put overtly personal material up here (this isn’t LiveJournal, ladies!), but I did Liza drag this weekend, damnit, and if this tranny train wreck isn’t at least slightly camp, I’m clearly in need of six weeks intensive camp therapy (Joan Crawford movie marathons and Showgirls dance lessons). If nothing else, this’ll be good for a laugh. Or extremely vivid nightmares about a tackily dressed middle-aged lesbian. Either/or, I would like to present without any further ado:
Well, imitation Chloë Sevigny by writer/performer Drew Droege and director Jim Hansen:
I mean, can you blame me? Not all of us can are lucky enough to get gifted a high-heeled purse by Little Tic Tac. Even on our birthdee. I clearly run in the wrong social circles (the ones that don’t include Tweet). But no matter. Let’s talk of carefree things, like our summer plans:
Get it? Hed-ing? In a story about Hedwig and the Angry Inch? It’s a pun, A PUN! Carrie Sadshaw would be so proud! And I probably should have switched to decaf before writing about this glorious news! Seriously, it’s hard to type when your eyeballs won’t stop vibrating on account of those few too many cups of coffee and and the rush of adrenaline brought about by PURE EXCITEMENT, but I digress.
The New York Post is reporting that Hedwig and the Angry Inch will be coming to Broadway this fall with all of its principal artistic forces intact. John Cameron Mitchell will be reprising the role of everybody’s favorite botched-job transexual rocker, and Steven Trask will be adding additional songs and musical material. Added to that, David Binder and Peter Askin will be returning as producer and director, respectively.
In related news brought to you first by me, thousands upon thousands of gay men and fag hags the world over are making this face right now. Understandably so, theater queens and the ladies who love them, but let’s all simmer down. There’s more to the Post‘s story, and this part is particularly intriguing:
Showgirls: The Return may purport to be the sequel to the greatest movie of all time (because it adds “The Return” to the end of the title), but if the extended trailer’s any indication, that doesn’t mean I have to treat this half-cooked sauerbraten like its canon:
What have you done, Marc Vorlander? Sure, I haven’t seen this many boobs-per-minute since the last time I watched Showgirls (January 16, 2010, but who’s counting?), which I guess counts as a step in the right direction, but everything else about this trailer is a turgid art-house hot mess. A Showgirls sequel shouldn’t look boring, but this looks BORING. Even worse, I don’t see any Rena Riffel, and we were promised Rena Riffel! Seriously, universe, is there no Penny/hope for a Showgirls follow-up that lives up to the original?
Oh wait, there is:
Obviously, this video is perfection. Particularly the part when their outfits at the end of the video at various points remind me of Cyclops and Phoenix from X-Men and Katana from Mortal Kombat II, but I’m a nerd like that.
Oh, and as Lady Gaga would say: God bless the gays.
Much love to Queerty for this one.
Admittedly, there are certain differences between Clint Eastwood’s Changeling, starring Angelina Jolie, and the following YouTube video I stumbled upon. For example, Angelina Jolie didn’t have a long-haired fright wig in the movie. No no, she sported a fashionable 1930s bob:
Added to that, given that Changeling was a period piece, Angelina Jolie never wore hoodies or Billabong shirts, though sometimes she did wear this hat that I want:
Everything else about this video, however, is spot on:
