I think she doesn’t want us to f*ck it up, y’all, but I’m just spitballing here.
Also, after seeing four gag-worthy seasons of RuPaul’s Drag Race runway eleganza so succinctly cut together, am I the only one that feels like picking a favorite look is like the drag queen Sophie’s choice? For realsies, how do I decide? I love them ALL.
Much love to World of Wonder by way of Vulture for this one.
Seeing as it’s Courtney Stodden’s “18th” birthday today, you’d probably think the day simply can’t get any better. She’s no longer a child bride AND she’ll continue to serve 16-going-on-37 glamazon realness. See? Dreams really do come true, y’all! (Your dreams are made of the hungry scent of internet celebrity and a bathtub of fake tanner, I guess.)
Anyways, in honor of this special occasion, here are two videos of a beatnik drag queen by the name of Janvier doing interpretive readings of Ms. Stodden’s sensual tweets, which really highlight her sensual grasp of the English language:
I’ve got my body, got my lips, got my pocket full of Hawthornes! P-p-p-pocketful of Hawthrones! ))<>(( Forever 10 minutes. P-p-p-perfection.
I hate to drop such a blistering glamour bomb without nary a warning, but did anybody else catch these two eyeball bedazzlers on last night’s The X Factor? To the left, we have Sherry, a retired professional singer. (And poetry reader. At coffee shops.) And to the right, we have her daughter, Darwin. (Darwin?!?) Together, they’ve already written a screenplay about Simon Cowell, and they’ve now again joined as the soon-to-be global superstars, the Good Girls. Let’s take a look at their audition in which they perform Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On,” shall we?
If you told me that the guy above could go from hot bearded hipster gay (heyyyy) to the ravishing bitch and all-around rolemodel below:
My second response would be “I call your bluff.” (My first response would be “DON’T TOUCH THAT BEARD!!!”) I’m hardly saying it’d be impossible, but it’ll definitely take commitment. My clown lesbian fright drag Liza Minnelli is proof positive, y’all.
ANYWAYS, here’s a video of said bluff being called. It’s kinda NSFW on account of all the boobs, but this Showgirls we’re talking about, so tell your boss it’s ART. “A Long Day’s Journey Into Cristal Connors”:
I’ll admit that I don’t really know much about hockey, save for the fact that it always strikes me as a hilarious excuse to watch grown men on ice skates beat the crap out of each other over a little disc. Is it like some bizarro butch version of Joan Crawford’s The Ice Follies of 1939?
I don’t know.
What I do know, though, is that Joan’s costumes are absolutely glamour-gonzo, a young Jimmy Stewart wants to do things on ice that have never been done before (!), those ice skating numbers look like bargain-basement Busby Berkeley insanity, and why haven’t I seen this movie yet?!? Again, I just don’t know, but what I do know is that this guy LOVES him some hockey:
Back during my sophomore year of college at the University of Georiga, a group of friends and I entered the Campus MovieFest. The theme that year was something like “Moving the World,” and seeing how we were a tasteful group of budding filmmakers, we chose to go the esoteric and inspirational route for our short: We made a fake previously-on-last-season’s teaser for a nighttime soap opera entitled As the World Turns.
We thought of everything, and I mean everything: Love triangles, wedding proposals, chronic illnesses, multiple counts of substance abuse, lies, betrayals, and shocking secrets revealed! When we failed to sweep the festival, it was clear that though we were big, the moviefests had already gotten too small. Somewhere on Sunset Boulevard, Norma Desmond shed a tear in silent commiseration.
ANYWAYS, Campus MovieFest has begun putting these submissions up on YouTube, and one of my old roommates recently stumbled upon our entry brought it to my attention, so without further ado, As the World Moves:
For me, every Halloween’s outcome is a crap shoot. Some years I’ll really get into the spirit and go out all dressed (or dragged) up, and other years will be spent holed up in my bedroom with whatever horror movies I can get my hand on and a bag of candy, all hopped-up on sugar and shouting obscenities at the television. Fortunately enough, this year I ended up going with the former after I was invited to a Halloween party by my dear friend Lindsay. Of course she and I would have to go as a pair, but obviously not as a lazy metaphor for sexual penetration:
Mostly because that lock costume would make me self-conscious about my hips, but whatever, I digress.
Our plan was to go as Lucille and Lucille II from Arrested Development; however, that fell through when we found that every last old-lady-with-a-bob wig was snatched up like it was a Brazilian drag competition. All the same, I knew I still had to go as Liza Minnelli because:
ANYWAYS, I’m not usually one to put overtly personal material up here (this isn’t LiveJournal, ladies!), but I did Liza drag this weekend, damnit, and if this tranny train wreck isn’t at least slightly camp, I’m clearly in need of six weeks intensive camp therapy (Joan Crawford movie marathons and Showgirls dance lessons). If nothing else, this’ll be good for a laugh. Or extremely vivid nightmares about a tackily dressed middle-aged lesbian. Either/or, I would like to present without any further ado:
You know, I should probably be more bothered over last night’s elections, but I’m curiously at ease with all of this. Sure, I find the news that Iowa apparently lost its damn mind and voted out three of their state’s supreme court judges on account of last year’s ruling to make Iowa one badass bitch of a state to be both terribly disheartening and equally worrisome, but I’m also young and optimistic, so I know I still have plenty of time to meet and marry my dream Canadian boyfriend. Or any Canadian, for that matter (HEYYY LADIEEES). What can I say? Desperate times (Sarah Palin for President) call for desperate measures (sham marriages). Just sayin’.
Of course, it’s also worth noting I’m currently taking great comfort in Andrew Cuomo trouncing Carl Paladino and being elected Governor of New York. Carl Paladino is The Worst, and not only is Andrew Cuomo is not The Worst, you know what else? He’s dating Food Network persona Sandra Lee. Sanity has been restored, y’all, and on top of all that, I bet the governor’s mansion is long overdue for a semi-homemade makeover:
You know, the sort makeover that happens when ponies stop doing musicals and start doing interior decoration.
Now you might be thinking to yourself that this is a terrible idea, but let me tell you, America: NO, IT’S NOT. You might say tablescapes and cocktail time have no place in quote-unquote “serious politics,” but that’s suggesting we have to restore ALL the sanity. Can’t we save just one oh-so-delectable slice of batshit crazy and toss the rest of the insanity into the dumpster? I mean, have you seen what happens when she dresses up for her Halloween episodes, America? This happens:
There’s flamboyant, and then there’s Adam Lambert rocking a pompadour/mullet, bedazzled and bespiked shoulder pads, and enough glittery make-up to glamourize a small neighborhood of frumpy hausfraus, which is why he’s affectionately known to many as Glambert. Adam Lambert’s “If I Had You” music video:
Hot damn, y’all. I’m pretty sure unicorns farting glitter would be less flamboyant than this music video, and I mean that as a compliment.
Naturally I love this, in large part because Glambert totally won me over with For Your Entertainment; since then been waiting for a music video to properly capture his fabulousness, and I’m pretty sure “If I Had You” is the video for that. At least until they make a music video for “Strut.” Or, fingers crossed, “Fever.”
Added to that, and maybe this is just me, but I prefer to trip balls vicariously. I’ve seen what that shit does to Helen Hunt, and it ain’t pretty. So once again, I’m pretty sure “If I Had You” is the video for that. At least until they make a video for “Strut.” Or, fingers crossed, “Fever.”
One thing I’m most definitely sure of about “If I Had You,” though, is that “If I Had You” is the video Adam Lambert where is clearly this summer’s fashion icon for the over-sexed, aging drag queen set:
