Have you heard of Papa John’s Pizza’s X-Men Origins: Wolverine promotional tie-in pizza, the XL X-treme Cheese Pizza? It’s an extra-large pizza that purports to have nearly a pound of cheese on it. It’s a cheesy monstrosity of instant obesisity. It’s also completely delicious. Just take a look at it and try not to slobber in Pavlovian glee:
There’s just one problem with this pizza though, and that’s that it serves as a promotional tool for X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I mean, movie trailers are not form of promotion; and, judging by the trailer, this movie doesn’t deserve a pizza of such uninhibited, greasy deliciousness:
I’ll admit that a part of me is inherently disinterested because I’m still incredibly bitter for what Fox and Marvel did to the X-Men franchise to Brett Ratner and let him make the embarrassment that is X-Men: The Last Stand. Seriously, we aren’t going to talk about it because I don’t want to head home being ragey. It’ll give me a terrible eye twitch while riding the subway home, and that’s no good for anyone.
Mostly, though, this movie just looks bad. The special effects are incredibly cheap looking, and the whole movie just seems to aesthetically remind me of a moderately budgeted made-for-TV movie. Add in the fact that, beyond Hugh Jackman’s good looks, Wolverine does nothing for me as a character, and you’ve just put this movie on the Do Not Want List, Fox. Guess you shouldn’t have gotten rid of Phoenix Effect, assholes.
The one redeeming factor to this movie is that all this promotional material coming from Papa John’s has confirmed something I’ve long suspected: