TGIF! Here’s Some Dying Cats Singing “My Heart Will Go On” April 6, 2012

Sure, it’s no me-at-karaoke, but the sound of a few cats dying might as well be the sound of two cats f*cking, so this deserves a gold star, even if this is Kate Winslet’s reaction. Besides, Titanic 3-D is out this weekend, and if you think I’m not going to be seeing it, you clearly forget that I’m a teenage girl wearing bad idea pajama jeans trapped in a gay man’s body. Seriously, such a special occasion deserves a moment of recognition, and if  Dead Cat Orchestra’s charmingly weird cover of “My Heart Will Go On” isn’t up to the task, I don’t know what is! Wouldn’t you agree, Hausu Ghost Cat?

The Theme of the Week’s Been “Eating Things,” So Here’s an Ad for Vagine Cuisine April 5, 2012

Laaadieees, have you ever wished your muff tasted like an oral…Mex buffet? Of course you haven’t, BUT LET’S PRETEND:

Especially spicy fajita, girlfriend. And thanks to Vagine Cuisine, now your Down South can taste truly South of the Border! OLÉ!

In Honor of Revenge’s Most Anticipated Return to TV, Here’s “Sh*t Hamptons Matriarchs Say” April 4, 2012

When a stripper bludgeons a private dick to death with a tire iron, you know you’re in the presence of prime time soap opera perfection, so I’d say you should be watching Revenge if you aren’t already, but really, why bother? This supercut of Victoria Grayson’s best bon mots of bitchiness and gilded nuggets of Hamptons upper-crust c*ntery speaks for itself:

30 Seconds of Slapping Begs an Important Question: Why Am I Not Watching Game of Thrones? April 3, 2012

I haven’t the slightest context for any of this, but who cares? And more importantly: why in the world am I not watching Game of Thrones? Not only is Game of Thrones hard fantasy storytelling with crossover appeal, but it’s got Peter Dinklage bitch slapping the sass from some twink named Joffrey’s mouth. That doesn’t just say I should be watching; it screams it like a slut during last call at the d*ck buffet. Set my interest to STUNNED!

Much love to Buzzfeed for this one.

Shangela Sings “Pocket Full of Hawthornes”…for 10 Minutes! March 30, 2012

I’ve got my body, got my lips, got my pocket full of Hawthornes! P-p-p-pocketful of Hawthrones! ))<>(( Forever 10 minutes. P-p-p-perfection.

This Girl Would Like to Know Why We Have Leap Year February 29, 2012

This girl is a veritable fountain stupid of questions and salty language, so pinkies out and headphones up!

HAHAHAHAHA, YES! Clearly the internet has given us the perfect leap year gift (a very, very gross girl with a very, very gross vlog post about the grave social injustice that is leap year), so thank you, Internet.  It’s not every day you get a reason to wish the Hunger Games were real. Apparently it’s only once ever four years!

Princess Peach and Super Mario Bros. Parodied Lana Del Rey’s “Video Games”! February 24, 2012

Mamma mia! It’s a YouTube video of nostalgia-fetishizing lip-plumper enthusiast Lana Del Rey’s “Video Games” in which Princess Peach yearns to get out of her not-so-super Mario marriage and give Luigi a taste of her crumb cobbler. Sure, it may not be Lana Del Rey’s “Hunger Games”, nor is it The Young Professionals’s discotheque-fabu “Video Games” cover, but this is still a rather clever, satisfyingly meta parody where Princess Peach works a pair of Lana Del Lips like she’s got a case of Lindsay Lohan’s Lady Trouty Mouth. I believe there are but two words for such a Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner gold-star worthy nerd thing:

Awkward Kristin, the Awkward Best February 24, 2012

Obviously this viral video is more “a little corner of the internet where the internet is very internet” than “a little corner of the internet where camp is queen.” It’s an auto-tuned cat lady freak out remix or a gangsta using his words (poorly) instead of a “tons-of-f*cking sequins” freak out remix or a suburban girl gangsta drag act using her words (poorly).  Still, this video’s an utter delight in every way, so why not post it?

Besides, do you tell a whore to stop burning while she dances? No. Do you tell a ballerina to stop scissoring with her crazy for the sake of perfection? No. Do you tell a random girl making copies to stop giving us so much Oh-f*ck! FACE when she realizes she’s on a live broadcast?

Purity Bear Is Watching, Y’all February 15, 2012

What? Wait. What?!? I mean, if you haven’t met Purity Bear before, please do treat yourself by watching it here. All done? Good. Now, if I may reiterate: WHAT?!?!?

Doesn’t their mutual awkwardness indicate they’ve only gone on maybe a handful of dates, if not their first? (Because it couldn’t be an obvious lack of acting talent. No. Never.) And yet he’s already declaring his love for her?!? Forget him using your pizza box, lady. He’s going to stalk you ’til you’ve got enough fodder for a gripping Lifetime movie! Girlfriend, YOU IN DANGER!

Joan Crawford! “Flashdance…What a Feeling”! Halleloo It’s Friday! February 10, 2012

I’m sorry, maybe it’s the beast of a week I’ve had, or maybe just me being that queen (very likely), but this video is an utter and absolute delight! I mean, Irene Cara’s “Flashdance…What a Feeling”! Who doesn’t love that song? (Nobody.) And Joan Crawford dancing! Who doesn’t delight in Joan Crawford dancing? (Bette Davis, Christina Crawford, fools who refuse the imperative to dance.) My point is that this video’s as marvelous a salve to the week as it is a start to the weekend. And best of all: