This Is a Thing: Amanda Byne’s Totally Bonkers Drake Tweet March 22, 2013

Ummm…should we be worried for Amanda Bynes? More importantly, should we be worried for her vagina? I don’t know. Sure, this is by no means the most immaculate f*ck tweet ever tweeted, but then again…

The Latest Lindsay Lohan Mugshot Is the Best Lindsay Lohan Mugshot March 20, 2013

As we’ve all probably heard, Fornarina fashionista and coulda-shoulda Black Swan queen Lindsay Lohan opted for 90 days in lockdown rehab after pleading “no contest” to reckless driving and lying to the cops. This is why you’re being served some hardened-prison-bitch realness right now. (That cocked eyebrow is killing it…with a shank.) ANYWAYS, I’m convinced this is Lindsay Lohan’s best mugshot, so let’s discuss why:

Dance Party, Y’all, GUYS ONLY! December 14, 2012

Oh man. Just a bunch of dapper-dressed gents, dancing and lip syncing to their favorite doo wop tunes, and best of all? NO GIRLS ALLOWED! We should all be so lucky to attend such a super cool sausage fest. TGIF, y’all!

Much love to Videogum for this one.

This Liz & Dick GIF Is Everything November 28, 2012

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this GIF is worth a thousand, flawless white diamonds. Or, better still, a thousand bottles of the flawlessly scented White Diamonds! ELIZABLOHAN, HOW MANY GIFS DID YOU TAKE?!? (*SPOILER ALERT!*: Just this one.) This GIF is my  absolute everything, y’all. LIZ & DICK ”I’m so bored!” GIF back and forth 4EVA!!!

Much love to The TV Screen by way of Videogum for this one.

In Honor of Courtney Stodden’s Birthday: Courtney Stodden Tweets Read by a Drag Queen! August 29, 2012

Seeing as it’s Courtney Stodden’s “18th” birthday today, you’d probably think the day simply can’t get any better. She’s no longer a child bride AND she’ll continue to serve 16-going-on-37 glamazon realness. See? Dreams really do come true, y’all! (Your dreams are made of the hungry scent of internet celebrity and a bathtub of fake tanner, I guess.)

Anyways, in honor of this special occasion, here are two videos of a beatnik drag queen by the name of Janvier doing interpretive readings of Ms. Stodden’s sensual tweets, which really highlight her sensual grasp of the English language:

One More Time, With Squealing… August 25, 2012

The problem with taking a break from moonlighting as a highly adored, internationally famous blogger is that you constantly have a gaggle of screaming fans begging you to go back to blogging. “Oh, how we miss you! Oh, how we need you!” their gaping maws craw like sickly orphans starved of camp, wit, and the “occasional” Showgirls reference.

Naturally, I’m may be exaggerating a tad seeing as:

1. By gaggle of screaming fans, I mean two friends.
2. By internationally famous, I mean One of them is from England.
3. By highly adored, I mean sometimes my mother reads this, too.

Anyways, it’s become rather clear that my public (two friends and a mother…on occasion) needs me, and who am I to refuse? So, like the above photo of Joan Crawford returning to MGM Studios to film Torch Song, I too shall come back to the old fold. (This is nothing like that whatsoever, but let’s pretend.) Or, to mix iconic-camp-moment metaphors:

Betty Draper Francis and a Bowl of Sausage Gravy. You’re Welcome. April 12, 2012

The question isn’t “Who would want a picture of Betty Draper Francis and a bowl of sausage gravy?” No no, the question is “Who wouldn’t?”

In Honor of Betty Draper Francis, Here’s a New Ben & Jerry’s Flavor April 5, 2012

And it’s called “Bugle Bombshell.” Sadly, though, this best idea food baby is but a tease from Tauntr.com (that name, so apt right now!), because I’m all too certain I’d otherwise throw on my favorite eating dress (the salmon–mmm, salmon–number with the pom poms) and nom nom nom the f*ck out of it. Betty Draper/Francis eating ice cream GIF knows exactly what I’m talking about.

Much love to UPROXX for this one.

Good Luck With That One… April 4, 2012

Sure, we’ve all at some point wanted to read an article about ladies who spell “I Heart Ryan Gosling” with a silent ”vagina,” but I don’t know if this intrepid reporter’s going to get anywhere using a Craigslist post. Ryan Gosling is the internet’s #1 crush, and besides, everybody knows Craigslist is for rim jobs, Inception style.

Much love to Craigslist by way of Videogum for this one.

Betty Draper Also Loves Ice Cream April 2, 2012

F***ck, and I do so love the way Betty Draper loves her ice cream. Bugles are out! Ice cream sundaes are in! Betty, stop bogarting the sundaes!

Much love to leo & television for this one.