Look, I’m as confused as you probably are about what this is. I mean, it’s definitely weird, but also strangely compelling and kinda, possibly fabulous? I don’t really know, you guys, but I do know “The Stanley Steemer Variations” is definitely a thing we’ve experienced together. Like a group hug with theater face. Or a shared trauma with lots of costume changes. Again, I’m not sure. Regardless, this thing–whatever it is–has happened, and it might be happening again for some us right now, but who’s to judge? We can quit whenever we want. Stanley f*cking Steemer, indeed.
No, really, we can agree right now that “Plastic Bag” is totally bonkers, and so naturally also the best. Everything from the obsessive repetition of a rather ridiculous lyric to all that Dancefloor Fierceness is marvelous, but the dress is what really makes this sublime. That dress is such glorious, arts-’n-crafts hobo hotness that I simply can’t. Seriously, everybody can just shut it down with their Katy Perry covers, because this queen wins.
Put on your eatin’ dresses, stop all the music, and be sure to save room for ice cream! “Fat Betty” is the only song we’ll need from here on out. EVER.
Sure, it’s no me-at-karaoke, but the sound of a few cats dying might as well be the sound of two cats f*cking, so this deserves a gold star, even if this is Kate Winslet’s reaction. Besides, Titanic 3-D is out this weekend, and if you think I’m not going to be seeing it, you clearly forget that I’m a teenage girl wearing bad idea pajama jeans trapped in a gay man’s body. Seriously, such a special occasion deserves a moment of recognition, and if Dead Cat Orchestra’s charmingly weird cover of “My Heart Will Go On” isn’t up to the task, I don’t know what is! Wouldn’t you agree, Hausu Ghost Cat?
At this point, it’s almost not even worth mentioning that Madonna’s MDNA came out earlier this week. After all, if you’re reading this, chances are either you or at least one of your friends is a friend of Dorothy, which means either you or at least one of your friends has spent the past few days sashaying up and down your Facebook News Feed with quips and comments about the new Madonna album. Simply put: WE KNOW ALREADY, QUEEN. Hell, I’d offer my own two cents, but Madonna has so much money she probably scoffs at small change like a bouquet of hydrangeas. Besides, the last album I shared my thoughts on was Christina Aguilera’s Bionic, and we all know how well that turned out.
ANYWAYS, this wouldn’t the blog it is without some sort of MDNA-related post (duh), so here’s a music video forMadonna’s latest single, “Girl Gone Wild.” It may not be the official video, but it probably should be:
Mamma mia! It’s a YouTube video of nostalgia-fetishizing lip-plumper enthusiast Lana Del Rey’s “Video Games” in which Princess Peach yearns to get out of her not-so-super Mario marriage and give Luigi a taste of her crumb cobbler. Sure, it may not be Lana Del Rey’s “Hunger Games”, nor is it The Young Professionals’s discotheque-fabu “Video Games” cover, but this is still a rather clever, satisfyingly meta parody where Princess Peach works a pair of Lana Del Lips like she’s got a case of Lindsay Lohan’s Lady Trouty Mouth. I believe there are but two words for such a Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner gold-star worthy nerd thing:
What do you get when Israel’s most fabulous electropop duo covers hipsterdom’s hardest working 1950′s-pinup-poster/hip-hop-video-girl drag act? Electropop magic, that’s what. So much magic that you might as well call this “Video Games” the next installment of Final Fantasy. (LoloUGH, sorry for that.)
Ever since my dear friend Shmathan introduced me to Lana Del Rey several months back– and particularly once she bombed on SNL and promptly exploded all over the pop culture zeitgeist (for which I blame Shmathan personally. About the exploding, not the bombing.)–I’ve been thinking a good bit about the internet’s favorite bee-stung hipster-dreamgirl Rubik’s cube. But this post isn’t about me and my words. No no, this is about Lana Del using her words. Well, two of them: beautiful and gorgeous. Behold, a supercut:
So good, right? RIGHT?!? I mean, sure, it’s probably the only cover of the Jurassic Park theme song–unless melodica covers of the Jurassic Park theme song become a) a thing or b) the second season of The Voice goes shitballs crazier than Christina Aguilera’s wardrobe–but that still technically makes it’s the “best.” An A for effort, Jurassic Park theme song melodica coverer, and an I for internets. Very, very internets. Clever girl.
On one hand, I can already taste the janky pizza (Little Caesars, for when even Domino’s is just too high brow) and half-flat soda that were so commonplace to the birthday parties spent at the local roller rink, Sparkles. Oh, how they scattered my youth like shards of light refracted from a mirrorball upon the hardwood floor. Nostalgia: ’tis a carousel OR a roller rink, y’all. Both go in circles! DISCUSS, DON DRAPERS.
But, on the other hand, we will probably never be able to skate that hip (so hip!), so on second thought:
