Between his fabulous secret powers and this equally fabulous pink dressing table, are we to assume that He-Man stands alongside Snagglepuss and Jem in the Saturday Morning Cartoon Power Bottom Pantheon? And could She-Ra actually be a He-Ra with some truly exceptional tuck game? Oh, how my mind reels! (With stupid, stupid questions.)
Much love to I have seen the whole internet for this one.
Artist: Jason Mecier
Title: Nomi Licking Pole
Medium: Red Vines
Canonical Status: Move the f*ck over, Countess Luann. Sure, I might not have the Art History cred necessary to recap an episode Bravo’s Work of Art, but I’m pretty certain this here’s a new contender for the Single Greatest Artistic Achievement of the 21st Century. Rarely has the world’s most pristine whore/dancer/muse been rendered more scrumptious than a stripper pole. Also, it doesn’t suck, which the same can’t be said that burrito your roommate bought you to celebrate you buying a dress from Versayce Versace. Whatever. The point is that you can’t stop putting things in your mouth (that’s what she said), and you CAN put this in your mouth once you’re done putting its gorgeousness in your face. Like I said, Single Greatest Artistic Achievement of the 21st Century.
Though as always, Showgirls remains the Single Greatest Artistic Achievement of All Time. Isn’t that right, long-irrelevant internet meme?
So The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is coming out today, and while I wouldn’t say it looks bad, it also doesn’t particularly good, and it definitely doesn’t look like Knowing:
See what I mean? Kind of meh, but maybe that’s just me, and I digress.
The reviews have been coming in over the past few days, and they aren’t too favorable. Right now, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is sitting at a rather unfortunate 35% over at Rotten Tomatoes, and the consensus with RT’s list of Top Critics is like taking a Chinatown bus from Badtown to Worseville:
Obviously this isn’t the impressively bleak 15% Knowing received last spring, which is sad because I probably won’t enjoy The Sorcerer’s Apprentice nearly as much Knowing, but equally obvious is the fact that I will inevitably see this at some point anyways. After all, that’s why the intewebs gave us Cageflix.
ANYWAYS, good or bad or deliciously awful, the one thing for certain about The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is that it is by no means THE work of art to feature Nicolas Cage in 2010. No no, that accolade belongs to Brandon Bird’s Uncanny Valley, which you probably have never heard of, and that’s precisely why you need to change your ig’nant ways:
