Purity Bear Is Watching, Y’all

What? Wait. What?!? I mean, if you haven’t met Purity Bear before, please do treat yourself by watching it here. All done? Good. Now, if I may reiterate: WHAT?!?!?

Doesn’t their mutual awkwardness indicate they’ve only gone on maybe a handful of dates, if not their first? (Because it couldn’t be an obvious lack of acting talent. No. Never.) And yet he’s already declaring his love for her?!? Forget him using your pizza box, lady. He’s going to stalk you ’til you’ve got enough fodder for a gripping Lifetime movie! Girlfriend, YOU IN DANGER!

All joking aside, though, abstinence is by all means a perfectly fine, reasonable, and respectable choice. After all, everybody got AIDS and shit, as well as 2/3 regret and chronic depression, apparently.

Still, as a blog that oft holidays in the house that Showgirls built, I’d like to believe I’ve earned a small readership of Code Red, Grade A whores. I’m sorry, I meant dancers. So really, who amongst us thinks a teddy bear is not the way to shut anybody’s legs? Nobody. Unless it comes from a teddy bear sassing you with either the pithy wisdom of a sassy Ricki Lake Show audience member OR the pithy wisdom of a gay man doing an impression of a sassy Ricki Lake Show audience member, in which case: EVERYBODY.

Point being: well played, Purity Bear. You have won the battle, but not the war.

Much love to Videogum for this one.

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