I’d be lying by omission if I didn’t admit that I’ve been eagerly awaiting to board the Sex and the City 2 hate train ever since halfway through Sex and the City: The Movie when I realized that no amount of Kristin Davis’s totally amazing angry-Charlotte face would save it from being a cinematic wet fart of conspicuous consumption pornography topped with a predictable and insipid ending. It’s what feels like eternity two-and-a-half hours of Miranda and Carrie being self-involved harpies incapable of communicating with their significant others like grown adults, Samantha acting like an even hornier drag queen than the horny drag queen she usually acts like, and all sorts of stuff coming out of Charlotte. Like unwavering romantic optimism. And babies. And poop.
Seriously, for as much as I adored the series, the movie was able to inspire an inverse amount of adoration. In other words:
Since then, I’ve had nothing but ire for the sequel, and this teaser poster is not helping:
I’m sorry, but really? You may think it’s that terrible pun tag line, but it’s actually not the terrible pun tag line because I miss Carrie’s puns. Actually, I don’t miss her puns, but I do get that puns are her thing, so feel free to “carrie on” with your terrible punning, poster.
No, my problem is the sunglasses. I mean, yikes. It’s like Carrie Bradshaw and my Fabulous Disco Brundlefly were separated at Photoshop birth:
While I’m always pleased to see someone with Photoshopping skillz as slammin’ as mine (I don’t want to hoard all the talent), it can only mean one thing if Brundlefly Bradshaw is the image being used to generate preemptive interest in Sex and the City 2: these people know they’ve already got your ticket, so they just don’t give a daaamn.
That all said, I’d also be lying by omission if I didn’t admit I’ll most likely still see Sex and the City 2. On opening night. Because the only thing more busted than those damn sunglasses is my ability to learn from past mistakes. C’est la vie.
Oh, and on a side note, since when was Carrie such a mouth breather? Seriously, let’s discuss.