As of this vary moment, this picture best describes my state of emotions:
It’s true. I’m shocked, disappointed, and desperately fighting the urge to cut a bitch. Well, one bitch in particular, and he goes by the name Kevin Williamson. You probably remember him. He wrote the first two Scream movies, so his day job is clearly that of a screenwriter. Now, according to Entertainment Weekly, he’s in the process of crafting a new Scream trilogy, so it seems he’s now moonlighting as a life ruiner and taking online courses to get his associate’s degree in bad idea mechanics. I guess dental hygienist wasn’t really his thing, but to each his own.
Anyways, the do-not-want list really hits the fan with the news that Courteney Cox Arquette and David Arquette are in talks to come back for these sequels/reboots/cinematic abortions. Yes, they were great in the original trilogy, but I’d really rather let Hollywood ruin on of my favorite horror franchises without dragging the original cast back into this shit storm.
What made the original trilogy first two movies such classics of 90s horror is that they were post-modern meta critiques of a genre that had devolved into a parodic cannibalism of the same tired tropes as well as genuinely effective horror movies in their own right. Scream and Scream 2 were smart enough to be grounded in what very much could pass as the real world. Once the killer was dead, they stayed dead; the only consistency in the killer was the costume and voice as iconographic methods of menace. The third movie was tired and stupid and only satisfying in that it did offer a proper (albeit underwhelming) close to the trilogy, but it was written by Ehren Kruger, so that’s no surprise. There most certainly never needed to be a Scream 4, or a reboot of the original, or whatever this bogus series will take shape as, let alone a new Scream trilogy.
American horror films have consistently been a creative bust for some time. It’s all been remakes of old films or Asian horror or the torture porn that defines horror by just how long you can show a sequences of repugnant mutilation before the MPAA slaps you with an NC-17. Even the good ones still manage to remind us that the genre is in a creative drought. Essentially, it’s all a joke as is; the criticism has been done just by the utter lack of originality and innovation. Compounding that, Scream was born from the deep love of the slasher film, yet we haven’t had a reasonable slasher in ages. Are they going to make references to Rob Zombie’s Halloween? If so, then yuck.
A new Scream trilogy isn’t even something that we do no want, y’all; it’s something we do not need. Unless we’re the Weinstein Company, in which we need every dollar we can bleed dry from the idiot audiences of America.
So shanks (to the face) but no shanks, new Scream trilogy. You’re officially the new gold standard in Hollywood’s creative bankruptcy, and I promise to hate you even more than the Videodrome remake. I know that’s a whole lot of hate to work up, but I can already tell that you’re worth every drop of my utter disgust. All I ask is that you please leave Neve Campbell out of this.
Much love to Mr Potatomash for the brilliant picture. You’re my only consolation in this darkest of hours.
Ummm…. I’ll still see it…….. but I hate it.
[...] It’s been a while since we’ve checked in on Scream 4, and that’s largely because it pains me to know end to think about this debacle coming to fruition. Scream was the first R-rated horror film I was ever allowed to watch. I lost my H-card to [...]
[...] It’s been a while since we’ve checked in on Scream 4, and that’s largely because it pains me to know end to think about this debacle coming to fruition. Scream was the first R-rated horror film I was ever allowed to watch. I lost my H-card to [...]